It's Friday I'm in Love

Hello friends.  Happy Friday.  I hope you have something awesome planned for the weekend.  My plans you ask?  Most likely I will be partaking in some sweatpants, laundry folding and vacuuming.... pretty exciting shit.

Because I am so severely ADD and don't have a flux capacitor degree in English, the format of my blog will be changing to keep my thoughts and content fluid.  I struggle with keeping the flow consistent, which makes for crappy posts.  In order to continue writing (because I love it so much), the proposed structure of The Jennie Show will be a weekly rotation of topics:

Monday - Airing Of The Grievances (because its Monday and Mondays usually suck)

Tuesday - Current Events

Wednesday - Katie Price's Boobs (the ever changing trends of beauty)

Thursday - Happiness Is Shared (love and relationships)

Friday - Making Dumb People Famous (media/TV)

Because of yesterday's post pertaining to Paris Hilton's IQ (or lack thereof) and not wanting to double up on Making Dumb People Famous, I'm going to change things up a bit and pretend its Thursday.  Let's open up the floor to relationship chatter.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent*

I have a lovely friend named *Kate.  Kate is not only gorgeous, but smart, witty, charming, a lover of dogs and good food, hilarious and has one hell of a sense of style.  Basically, Kate is a shoe-in for the Wife Zone (see image below)

Kate was recently in a monogamous relationship with *Greg for 6 years, going as far as moving in together.  Thinking that Greg was her unicorn, Kate invested all of herself in him; sharing hopes, dreams and being Greg's #1 cheerleader for his life goals.  Soon after shacking up, Kate fo real (lower tone of voice and pronounce with a super ghetto accent) began to evaluate her future with Greg.  

The things that are paramount to Kate's happiness are similar to most people's-- communication, open dialogue and genuine friendship and partnership.  From what I understand, Greg didnt view Kate's desire to openly communicate as important (amongst other things).

Long story short, one day Kate took a big balls pill, confronted the situation and asked Greg to talk.... like talk talk.  Greg was "busy" and didnt care to embrace the gravity of the situation, so Kate packed her shit and moved out.  That's it.  Peace out Greg.  Bye Felicia.

When Kate gave me the post-game play by play I was at first shocked, but then super proud.  She did the right thing.  Kate followed through with something that would've eventually come to fruition.  Also, Kate would've never been truly happy in that relationship, because children, Greg was not giving her what she needed in return.  Give and take.  Checks and balances.  That's called a partnership.

So Kate is offically on the market and no longer lugging around a big pile of shit; that monkey is off her back.

So in conclusion, if youre confident in the Wife Zone contingent, hauling around a man that's nowhere near your level of awesomeness, dump him (or her).

And that my friends is whats up. 

Do people really read my blogs?  I wonder how they are received?  Have I ever offended anyone..... wait.  I know the answer to that question.  (I don't intentionally offend people; its just that my filter isn't super strong and I speak my mind 96% of the time, while the other 4% is consciously voiced.)

Offensive or not, I think an important aspect of life is to fully engage in it.  Life is too short to place weight in trying to appear a certain way.  Example-- Paris Hilton in the 90s:

With managers behind her and the support of America's ignorant media, Paris made quite a name for herself being a fixture in clubs, Heatherette clothing, toting around a little dog and acting stupid.  Paris was famous for two reasons: her family name (being heir to the Hilton hotel empire) and bopping around LA/New York doing the club scene and reality tv.

What I am getting at is that I am going to assume that Paris in REAL LIFE is actually a normal person, having normal friends that she hangs out with, watches tv, eats cereal, brushes her teeth, has cellulite, etc.  Paris' staff circa the 90s presented her in this package of vapid shiny pink that America grew sick of (like most packages of vapid shiny pink shit).

Paris wasted most of the 90s playing into the role of idiot.  It was Paris' job to be a moron.  Cool.  Admirable.  So she made money doing it?  Awesome.  Something for sure to tell her grandkids about.  Do you think she will regret the Decade Of Fake and wish she spent that time getting her MBA?

What I want to know (and perhaps you) is if Paris ever wanted to go to college, or take the SAT, or pursue a career in engineering?  Do darlings of America's media ever think about what comes next?  Or, is next really just evolving America's perception of them into a newer bigger shiny pink package with kids (enter---> another reality show)?

What I appreciate are media princesses that are real, such as Bethenny Frankel.  Love her or hate her, SkinnyGirl is workin' it from an authentic angle.  Bethenny makes no apologies for who she IS, which is an unfiltered, hard working mother, business woman who is very passionate about her brand.  Work it girl.  BF has opinions about the world around her.  Yes bitch.  Opinions = not being coached in what to say to keep people happy/keep people watching your show.

I don't appreciate all the Kardashian bullshit, sans Khloe.  While I understand there is a business behind all of them (a multi-million dollar empire), what the hell are they really doing?  Yes, I get it.  Makeup and clothing and apps.  Whoopdeedoo.  Television.  Nobel Prize winning shit.  But really, what are they doing to enhance the world?  

Kylie is empowering young women to strive for fuller lips via injections or her new line of matte lipstick.  Kim is nailing it in the bitching-about-pregnancy department.  Kourtney has broken through the glass ceiling in juggling being a mother of three and her loser boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?), and nailing Bieber.  Khloe, the most awesome of all of 'em has been made a fool of by her now ex-husband.  I'm not even going to touch Caitlyn or Rob.  #jesustakethewheelbeforeIrollmyheadupinthewindow

I wonder if any of the Dash Clan will be attending the Democratic National Convention?  I wonder if any of them are even registered to vote?  Do you think Kris volunteered for the PTO at her kids' school?  Does Kim ever not talk about herself?

The scariest part in all of this is that said people (minus Bethenny Frankel) are taking people's attention from legit issues.  It is refreshing to take a breather from the Flint Water Crisis and the further breakdown of Chicago's Public School System.  But after a day, you need to get down to brass tax and keep your head in the game of real life (and not in the world of Kardashian Calabasas Range Rover matte lipliner).

I went back to work full-time in October.  Since then, every single day has been a learning experience in balancing my professional life with my personal life.  Whomever said there can be work/life balance is an opiate addicted space case who has no grasp on reality.  

I try to be up by 5:45 AM to shower and start getting ready.  The kids awaken around 6:30 and then the race begins.  Chris is usually out the door by then so I'm often on my own.  Because I have been practicing by myself for a few months, I'm just now grasping the concept.  If I can be pulling out of the driveway by 7:10, I am good to go.  Fortunately, my boss knows I take my kids to daycare in the morning, so if I stroll in 15 minutes late its acceptable.  Evenings are when the true rubber meets the road.

Kids get picked up around 5:30 PM then its all hands on deck once we get home.  We are all starving at this point, so its comical how fast I try to whip together a meal that's mildly appetizing.  I should invest more time in meal planning but weekends are spent cleaning and doing laundry and spending time with the kids.  (if anyone has meal planning tips/comments/links, please email me at jen924@hotmail.com)

Evenings are also the time of day when Beau and Casey get a little cray.  For whatever reason, their adventurous and curious nature peaks and they start getting into mischief.  Turning laundry baskets into segways, jumping off the couch into neatly folded piles of laundry and opening my makeup bag seems to be the favorite activities right before bed.  Enter----> pinot grigio.  Wine is literally the only tool I have in my house to help me give zero fucks about havoc being wreaked in the house with two toddlers.

This is not my kid by the way, thankyoujesus

Piggybacking on yesterday's pivotal post on eyebrows, today we will talk about skincare (the most crucial).  By the way, its pouring rain outside, so to wallow in sorrow from the rain NOT being snow, I ate a big plate of enchiladas (gluten-free) for lunch and now I'm enjoying some lovely peanut brittle.  Onto skin.....

During my wax/tint adventure with Shana the Great, we got to chatting about skin.  In her little facial cubbie-thingy, she suddenly whipped out this huge magnifying glass thingy with a light attached to it and held it .5 inches from my face.  

"Yep.  Dry.  That's what I thought,"  said Shana.  Then she walked around the table (because I had just gotten done with my eyebrow waxage) and goes, "I have the best stuff for your face to try.  You're gonna love it."  

*Skin stops naturally exfoliating itself at the ripe old age of 25, so exfoliating a few times a week is a must.  The layers of dermis that no longer work themselves off on their own must be sloughed off via an exfoliant, or the skin will look dull.

Shana then proceeds to tell me that despite my skin being dry and it being winter (lack of humidity in air), I need to add exfoliating into my thrice-weekly skincare regime, as well as step up my moisturizer game. 

Sooooo Rocco & Rocco is now selling Dermalogica.

Also sold at Ulta and other high end salons, Dermalogica is a significantly large line of skincare products.  Covering the bases of super dry to acne to sensitive to sun protection, these goodies are amaze.  

Dermamagica has a line dedicated to those suffering from dry skin. Armed with several samples, I tried the below items:

I was delightfully surprised how much of a difference said products made!  My skin felt softer, smoother and best of all, HYDRATED.  I used the sample of tint instead of my usual Bareminerals powder foundation and was super impressed.  (powder foundation probably is not a good choice for my dry skin anyway, since it just makes me skin look even drier)  Its now 1:15 in the afternoon, and my skin still feels soft and smooth.

I have one more sample to try and that's the hydrablur primer.

The ONLY downside to being exposed to all this awesomeness is the price, and this stuff is not cheap.  SO, I may go all in and start purchasing some of this liquid gold.**

**I normally buy all my makeup and skincare goods at Walgreens, Target or Wal-Mart HOWEVER, per my skin cancer experiences in the past, I am willing to step up my skin game and pay a little more if it'll give me that extra oomph of help.

You know what winter storm we're NOT getting?  That one.  As a lover of winter and all things snow related, I am very disappointed with Mother Nature this winter.  WTF?  Chicago has literally had a whopping 7 inches of snow so far..... and its already February 1.  At this point, I mind as well make our snowmobiles a place to dry laundry.  All I request is a walloping of a storm to sweep the Midwest before spring-- you know, a rock solid 2 ft of debilitating snow.  Wouldn't that just be great?  

Next topic:  eyebrows.  Once a month I try to get my eyebrows waxed and tinted.  I used to go to Ulta (at the Bolingbrook Promenade) but the last time I went there (last being the operative word) the lady that normally does them was super bitchy and dismissive and she waxed them too thin, because she was being bitchy and dismissive.  Bye Felicia.

Enter Shana.  Shana is the esthetician that works at Rocco & Rocco, where I get my hair did.  (Dana D does the most amaze highlights and with highlights, you totally get what you pay for).  Fed up with the bizz at Ulta, and finally having realized I should've been going to R & R the whole time, I booked my first eyebrow wax and tint with Shana.  Life changed.  Not only is Shana amaze at the art of eyebrow shaping, she also hates Donald Trump (like me) and loves to talk all things makeup and skin (no brainer since she is a esthetician).

Because eyebrows look best in a natural shape (and also makes the face look thinner), Shana keeps mine in check.  Tinting the brow gives the illusion of fullness without the hassle of having to use an eyebrow pencil.  Also, people just need to forgo skinny-ass, comma-shaped brows.  NO ONE looks good with sperm looking eyebrows.

Below are awesome examples of a strong brow.  Take notes ladies.

How could we not mention Brooke?

Point being to all of this, eyebrows are kinda like each person's God-given oomph-- the icing on the cake to an already-pretty face.  Keep it real ladies; no need to contour, get cray with the bronzer, false lashes.....  a lovely brow, some blush and mascara and you're all set.

I think that's all I got for today.  Oh, how could I forget?!?  I saw The Revenant.  Holy Jesus in the manger.  A must see.  Intense, violent but so compelling.  Leo needs an Oscar people.

Stassi Schroeder.  If you dont know who she is, google her and welcome to 2016.  You're either on or off the Stassi bus.  We first met her in season one of Vanderpump Rules.

Stassi was/is the girl you love to hate.  Dating a douchey fella named Jax (real name Jason, from MICHIGAN) at the time, we went through every possible emotion we her.  Breaking up, making up, drunk, sober.....  all in all, a real girl.  

The reason why people hate Stassi is because she sometimes presented herself as manipulative, bitchy and condescending in Vanderpump Rules.  WHEN, in actuality, she is just honest; no filter, no holds barred, witty as f and #zerofucksgiven.  I have no idea how much (or even IF) the show was scripted-- reality shows arent really reality shows anymore.

So flash forward a few seasons of VR, Stassi left the show and is now back and in full effect.  Making a name for herself fashion blogging and podcasting, Stassi is now synonymous with sassy.  Love it (said in a voice like the character played by Kristen Wiig in "Bridesmaids")

Stassi + podcasts = hilarious.  She has guests for each episode and no subject is off limits (which I lerv).  Honestly, the most refreshing part of listening to "Straight Up With Stassi" is that she is naturally authentic.

Additionally, Stassi has psoriasis (like me), cellulite (like me) and has dealt with anxiety (like me).  So, I'm basically best friends with her.

I've recently become obsessed with makeup tutorials on YouTube.  Backtrack-- I have always liked makeup.  Whenever I'm at Target, I will absolutely walk through the makeup department and lookover everything.  Now that I'm working full time, I wear makeup everyday.  I can't roll up in sweats to the office, although that would elevate my job from alright to amaze balls.

The makeup routine is just that; a routine: shower, moisturize, conceal, foundation, eyeshadow, eyeliner/mascara, blush, bronzer.  Really, my goal is look like I got more than 3 hours of sleep, but oftentimes fail.  (enter the makeup tutorials)  I started googling makeup lessons to see if I was missing any tips/steps to improve the application process.  (I also love a new product)  In this quest for greatness, I stumbled across the following ladies:

https://www.youtube.com/user/CarliBel55

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxj0QizmFhx7kVKSArHBCTA

https://www.youtube.com/user/Jaclynhill1

All three said beauties are dynamic and do a wonderful job making beauty achievable.  Oftentimes, they do segments called "hauls" where they try new products or looks.  Popular vlogs within this group are also "what no to do" or lessons on how to do a certain eye shadow style, contour/highlight or lip look.  I love it and am officially addicted.

Because of this recent obsession, I've also made a Facebook page called The Beauty Exchange.  TBE is a discussion platform to talk about products, offer tips and suggest different brands.  Its take off has been slow, but I haven't put much effort into it.



I'd also like to point out that in this makeup journey, I've become WAY MORE cognisant of skincare.  I had skin cancer last year (successfully removed) and have always been really good about sunscreen EVERY DAY on my face.  Thus far, Aveeno brand "sensitive" cleanser and moisturizer has been good-- I'm not in lerv, but I know I will find a pair that I like.

http://groeberkids.blogspot.com/

Read this blog.  It belongs to my friend Erin who kicks so much ass at life.  She mothers 4 beautiful babies, isnt stupid/cute like Kylie Jenner and feels strongly about educating her gaggle.  While we dont perfectly align politically (which doesnt matter), we very much position ourselves together with everything else.  Reading blogs like Erin's I dont feel as alone (not literally); I feel like I'm part of something bigger than me and our belief in God absolutely helps with a sense of community.

In a not-so-related topic, I was catching up on my morning reads (USWeekly, People, RadarOnline) and saw some garbage about the Kardashian family.  Shocking, I know.  The Kardashian's in a rag mag?  It is truly unbelievable.  So apparently, Rob Kardashian is dating some ex-stripper named Blac China (spelling?).  This is just too good not to comment on:

I guess we can all thank Kim Kardashian (oh sorry, West, Kim Kardashian West) for her sex tape years ago for really getting this family in the news.  Her dad Robert Kardashian, famous attorney for the innocent OJ Simpson, didnt make as many heads turn as his daughter blowing some dude on a video tape.  (sidenote-- if I were her dad, I'd be ROLLING in my grave)  So here we are several years later and now all of the Kardashian kids are on tv/in rag mags/tweeting up a storm.

Dare I ask what they are doing for our society?  I'm just curious.  Seriously.....  how are they positively influencing American culture?  I could give a shit about Kylie's lips.  I could not care any less about Khloe Kardashian's ex husband stroking out in a Las Vegas brothel.  I suppose me talking about all this is giving the family power however, its just so confusing for me.

I'm probably on a loop-- I know I tend to talk about the same stuff over and over again....  its just that some things are super important to me.  SNOW, for example.  Real importante.  More important?  The fact that Chicago hasnt really been blanketed in much this winter.  A total bummer.  Perhaps its my Michigan upbringing, or my love for winter in general?  Nothing is more peaceful than waking up and seeing a fresh white blanket of snow.  

So, as the east coasters shovel themselves out of 100 inches of snow, I'll just sit here in complete lust.

Today's post is dedicated solely to the douchebags of the world.  Unfortunately, said douchebags are completely unsuspecting of their condition, making this affliction (no pun intended) that more serious.  On the daily I am reminded that douchebags are all around us; this is not just a local issue, but touches the population globally.  There is no safe place to be void of douchebaggery.

The Urban Dictionary defines a douchebag by the below guidelines:

Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confuzed with douche.

Rob:He kept hitting on my girlfriend at the party, he just wouldnt leave her alone!! 
Sam: God, what a douchebag.

source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=douchebag

Let's open up this discussion by loosely defining the types of douchebags that affect our lives.  Please note, this is by my standards and am open to other interpretations.

1.  The Workplace Douche:

The latin word for this specimen is homodouchisaurus.  Characterized typically by one-upping any and every conversation, making up words to sound more intelligent (but really having it backfire because the word is made up), referencing people, places or experiences that have no relevance to anything, and most importantly, desperately insecure.

Workplace douches are a mild menace because they are typically threatened in almost any situation, due to their complete lack of skill/intelligence but not fully aware of said lack of skill/intelligence. WDBs feel the need to agree with the boss at any opportunity, figuratively lick the boss' balls and/or be the watercooler gossiper, because they want others to think they are in the know of all.  The disease of Workplace Douche is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thusly, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.

2.  The Wedding Douche

This is the guy at EVERY wedding, who tries to throw himself onto any single girl, but in turn, makes himself look like a drunk horny asshole.  Its 110% to be the drunk guy at a wedding, but when you toss horny into the mix, you are just cockblocking yourself.

3.  The Hipster Douchebag

The first question they ask you is “what kind of music do you like?". The answer is crucial because if you don't like alternative bands that no one has heard of then you're obviously “too mainstream" to be able to hang out with them. They think this bothers you, but in reality you don't notice. The only thing tighter than their very exclusive group of friends is their jeans.  I'm wildly impressed by people who admit to their love for Hall & Oates, any and all yacht rock and The Outfield.  

Hipster douches seem to lack clean hair; that is beyond douchey and just plain gross.  Wash your hair bro. 

Bunco bitches.  I'm officially a huge fan.  Friday night was spent at my gf Mona's house playing this amaze game, which required zero skill (bonus).  Wine, snacks and the ability to laugh real loud without a child waking up made this evening so much fun.  Additionally, all the ladies that participated were wonderful company (meaning didn't suck).  I am 110% a shoe-in for this once-a-month game.  

The topics discussed at Bunco are listed below:

1.  landscaping, and by landscaping I mean personal hygiene

2.  dating

3.  booty calls

4.  diamonds

5.  divorce

6.  raising non-asshole kids

7.  makeup/skincare

8.  how women rule so much more than men

We went from topic to topic in the most fluid of ways.  (Also, Mona had this amazing snack mix from Target that included dark chocolate espresso beans.)  Though this group of ladies was a tad bit older than me, we had everything in common.  So Mona, thank you for being such a gracious host and sharing your friends with me.

If you haven't already-- find a group of chics that are legit, like to have a few cocktails and start rollin' the dice.  You wont regret it.

PART TWO:

Does anyone else think its weird this whole "Making Of A Murderer" is such a craze?  If you haven't already binge-watched this Netflix docu-series, let me fill you in (Cliff Notes version):

"Making a Murderer details the life of Steven Avery, a Wisconsin man whose family owned an auto salvage yard in Manitowoc County. In 1985, Avery was arrested and convicted of the sexual assault of Penny Beerntsen, despite having numerous alibis. After serving 18 years in prison, Avery was exonerated with the aid of the Innocence Project, when the DNA in the case was matched to another man guilty of crimes in the area. After Avery was released from prison in 2003, he filed a $36 million civil lawsuit against Manitowoc County and several county officials associated with his first arrest. Soon after filing the lawsuit, he was accused of the murder of Teresa Halbach, a photographer who was last seen on the Avery family property to photograph a minivan for sale.

Making a Murderer explores issues and procedures in the Manitowoc County sheriff's department that led to Avery's original conviction. It suggests the county officials had a conflict of interest in participating in the investigation of Halbach's murder. Brendan Dassey, Avery's nephew was also accused and convicted as an accomplice in the murder. The series depicts his trial as well." 

(compliments of Wikipedia)

The fascinating part of this show is how people are responding to it.  Facebook has everyone asking the question "do you think Steven Avery is guilty?"  I wish people showed this much interest in the presidential race.