Today's post is dedicated solely to the douchebags of the world.  Unfortunately, said douchebags are completely unsuspecting of their condition, making this affliction (no pun intended) that more serious.  On the daily I am reminded that douchebags are all around us; this is not just a local issue, but touches the population globally.  There is no safe place to be void of douchebaggery.

The Urban Dictionary defines a douchebag by the below guidelines:

Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confuzed with douche.

Rob:He kept hitting on my girlfriend at the party, he just wouldnt leave her alone!! 
Sam: God, what a douchebag.

source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=douchebag

Let's open up this discussion by loosely defining the types of douchebags that affect our lives.  Please note, this is by my standards and am open to other interpretations.

1.  The Workplace Douche:

The latin word for this specimen is homodouchisaurus.  Characterized typically by one-upping any and every conversation, making up words to sound more intelligent (but really having it backfire because the word is made up), referencing people, places or experiences that have no relevance to anything, and most importantly, desperately insecure.

Workplace douches are a mild menace because they are typically threatened in almost any situation, due to their complete lack of skill/intelligence but not fully aware of said lack of skill/intelligence. WDBs feel the need to agree with the boss at any opportunity, figuratively lick the boss' balls and/or be the watercooler gossiper, because they want others to think they are in the know of all.  The disease of Workplace Douche is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thusly, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.

2.  The Wedding Douche

This is the guy at EVERY wedding, who tries to throw himself onto any single girl, but in turn, makes himself look like a drunk horny asshole.  Its 110% to be the drunk guy at a wedding, but when you toss horny into the mix, you are just cockblocking yourself.

3.  The Hipster Douchebag

The first question they ask you is “what kind of music do you like?". The answer is crucial because if you don't like alternative bands that no one has heard of then you're obviously “too mainstream" to be able to hang out with them. They think this bothers you, but in reality you don't notice. The only thing tighter than their very exclusive group of friends is their jeans.  I'm wildly impressed by people who admit to their love for Hall & Oates, any and all yacht rock and The Outfield.  

Hipster douches seem to lack clean hair; that is beyond douchey and just plain gross.  Wash your hair bro.