Speak Up

As you all know, I see my therapist every week.  Her name is Lori and she is awesome.  Not only a great listener, Lori offers great advice on how to handle/better equip oneself for life's sticky situations.  Also, Lori has candy in her office at all times.  Bonus feature.

Today in therapy Lori and I talked about speaking up and telling people how I feel.  Being a Libra (which is symbolized by the scales), I am absolutely conflicted by my "two sides."  In most cases, I have no problem telling people how I feel.  There are however, in certain cases...... delicate cases...... where I find myself sitting mum.  Not good. 

I am no longer going to apologize for who I am or what I stand for.  It has taken me a long time to get here..... 32 years of life experience has made me opinionated, strong and non-apologetic when it comes to certain issues.  I will never apologize for defending gay rights, the pro-choice vote, defending a family member (including my husband, friends, siblings and parents) or "doing the right thing."  I am not the person to sit by idle when someone is getting picked on..... when a dog is running stray in the neighborhood...... basically, the situations seen on "What Would You Do?"

Furthermore, I will not apologize to people who I have repeatedly extended myself to and received NOTHING in return.  Sorry doesn't exist in my vocab for people that are constantly stirring up trouble in my "circle."  Yes, I will always TRY and be diplomatic, extending a polite hello however, I will no longer be politically correct to those that really deserve my foot in their ass.

Moving on, its week 38 in the uterus.  Baby Willis is lacking space within, so I think.... HOPE.... that he is planning his exit strategy.  I'm super anxious to meet baby and see what he looks like....  I really, really want him to have my blue eyes with Chris' dark hair and LONG Mr. Snuffaluppagus eyelashes.  Additionally, if baby had Chris' cool and calm demeanor.... that would be a bonus.

Oatmeal Cookies

My life has completely changed and I don't even have a baby (yet).  What I did today:

4:30  Wake Up to baby grinding his foot/hand/whatever into my ribs

4:35   Relocate to couch

6:00   Wake Up to Kasia staring at me in the face (from .3 inches away) and wanting a potty break

6:15   Lay back down on couch and fall asleep

10:00 Wake Up for the second time feeling the worst cramps ever.  Awesome.

11:00  Take Kasia on a much needed walk with my kick-ass neighbor friend (Madi) and proceed to get dog shit all over my hand (after doing the right thing and picking up Kasia's turd with a torn poopie bag)

12:00 Shower

1:00 Post-up on couch/get up periodically to vacuum TV room, make oatmeal cookies, do a few loads of laundry, have more cramps and think about how much I need a haircut/color

5:05 Wish I was in labor

So that sums up my day.  I dont know how moms expecting multiples do it.  Getting OFF the couch causes me to break a sweat and breathe hard, and there is only one mammal in my loins.

I started setting daily goals such as "x" amounts of laundry, cleaning a bathroom, etc.  Tomorrow however, I will throw in a swim at The Kucia's house.  The Kucia's employ my husband and have a kick ass pool. 

Chris and I both got iPhones and I'm officially obsessed with FaceTime.  I can FT my sister and see GFP.....  Today GFP was picking tomatoes with her grammy.  So cute.  Apparently GFP fell on her head while running down the driveway.  Greta now has a nice little scratch on her head but it make her look like a badass, kind of like Beth from Dog The Bounty Hunter minus the HUGE boobs and taser gun.

Shit dawg.

I had my 37 week check-up this morning.  I should've known it was going to be an annoying day by wind of my wakeup.  Check that-- 4:45 AM.  Baby's foot/elbow/hand stuck in my right rib.  Not comfy.

So, I roll in to the doc's office.  By other blogs, you all know that I'm not a 100% fan of my ob(s).  Every time I go there, its something.  An attitude, a snarky remark, etc.  I get that all you make shit tons of money and answer the same questions over and over again however, a little kindness goes a long way.  Moving on.

The nurse tells me to remove my pants and underpants for an exam.  Sorry, gross.  I know.  The doctor comes in and we partake in stupid chit chat.  I tell her I had some more bleeding (normal for this late in the game), cramps almost every day and that I'm generally uncomfortable.  She basically tells me to deal with it and to fuck off.

Doc listened to baby's heartbeat (normal) and measured my stomach.  Baby is measuring a week behind schedule apparently.... another normal thing.  Good movement, whatever.  Then she goes.... "Are we doing an exam today?"  I was like, "I thought I had to do this every time I came in now?"  She said no and that is was OPTIONAL.  You mean to tell me that getting fisted was optional?   Awesome.  Bitch.

Long story short, I'm not dilated.  Nothing.  No change.  Same as week 20.  So annoying.  I thought SOME progress had been made.  No dice.

Let's talk about something more interesting and more worthy of my soapbox:  The Aurora, CO shooter situation.

People will get their hands on guns whether they are illegal or not.  People will also be crazy.  If you want to be in the grips of both guns and a heavy psychosis, point the gun at yourself and not others... let alone in a fucking movie theater.....  jee whiz.   The gentleman in custody/being charged with the crimes of killing 12 innocent people during a movie apparently likens himself to the Joker (from Batman).  Holy shit this world is out of control. 

I'm don't believe in the death penalty (mostly due in part to thinking that only God decides the fate of others) HOWEVER, if a family member/loved one fell victim to a horrible crime (such as rape, murder, etc) I would most likely feel as though the death penalty was justifiable.  Anyhoo.... I guess Colorado is seeking the death penalty for the Joker.  I'm not sure if the Joker has issued a statement concerning his recent choice to pick off several people howevever, if I were his attorney, I'd advise him to never speak again.  If he gets less than 4 life sentences, he is one lucky dog.

Chris and I had to make a run to Wal-Mart for a diaper tupperware thingy yesterday.  I've said it before and I'll say it again......  that place is like a funnel of awesomeness.  Put on your Sunday best people 'cause its time to hit up Wal-Mart.  Talk about front asses of all shapes and sizes...  I felt HOT walking in there.  I mean, wedding day hot..... and I'm 9 months pregnant.

All things considered, I only cried for 10 minutes today.  The weight of being unemployed and not anywhere close to giving birth annoyed the shit out of me this afternoon.  I could sum this up with a quick, swift What The Fuck.

Ahhhhh FREAK OUT (like the song)

I officially had a mental freak out moment/hour last night.  Chris and I went up to see the Reavis' (Bill, April and baby Emma stinkerface) in Arlington Heights.  After a lovely Giordano's pizza and a few episodes of Mountain Men, we headed home.  Heading south on I-355, I suddenly got this horrible "butterflies in my stomach" type feeling-- all too familiar with my history of anxiety.  Shit.  Here it comes.

Circulating around in my cranium was "What the fuck am I doing?"  I'm having a baby in roughly 3 weeks, I just lost my job..... what the fuck am I doing.  How did I get here?  We just got married.  We just bought a house.  We just bought a new car.  Holy hell.  I don't know how to nurse or pop a kid out.  Holy shit.  All the while, Chris is playing with the radio and trying to figure out the CD player.....  That is SO us.  Forget about the deep breaths and positive thoughts......  I started sweating profusely.

Thankfully, the butterflies/moths subsided and I EVENTUALLY fell asleep.  I wish I had about 25 Xanax.  Truth be told, I'm glad I can now get through episodes of panic-- whereas before, I would've started to cry and isolated myself.  No joke, anxiety is super shitty thing to have plaguing your life.... it comes and goes as it pleases and can pretty much mess up any situation.

I keep telling myself that everything will work out.  I don't know if its my ego, my insecurities or my general being however, I shoulder entirely too much.  I worry about details that are ridiculous.  Yesterday I stressed for about 45 minutes -- the reason?  I felt bad because Kasia hadn't gotten any exercise. 

I am too hard on myself.  I deconstruct every possible thing, whether its under my control or not.  I am hoping to God that once baby comes, I'll be able to put aside trivial shit and focus on him.

Oh... one last thing.... I was reminded the other day that a person can't reason with stupid.  It's a fact.  Live it and love it.

Prilosec OTC

Prilosec OTC has saved my life.  Not Jesus, not some support group........ a measily heartburn/antacid medication.  Tums is a joke.  I'm writing a letter to the company complaining about how their product doesn't work. 

I had my 36 week check-up/Strep B test yesterday.  When Dr. Gallo asked how things were going (and referenced my HORRIBLE heartburn), he said that he should've warned me not to even mess with lightweight shit such as Tums.  NOTE:  Before I got pregnant I suffered from awful heartburn/acid/food allergy issues.  This is not new news.  Then, I took actual medication.....  Now, being with calf, I thought Tums would be the safer route.  So, take this as a lesson.... Go for the Zantac or Prilosec... the big guns. 

It's too hot to enjoy the dog park.  Poor Kasia.  She has officially figured out that mommy doesn't go to work every morning, and thus, every day is a dog park day.  No sir.  When the thermometer reads 88 at 9 AM = no dog park.  In fact, 88 = don't do anything outside.  I'm so over this heat.  Granted, if the heat was accompanied by rain, it would be a different story.

It is day whatever of my unemployment.  I'm somewhat enjoying this change of pace however, things are harder to enjoy when there is a huge mass sitting in the front of your body.  It took me 30 minutes to Swiffer the kitchen floor today.  Normally, it takes about 10 minutes.  I was also breathing hard.  Who knew that a light cleaning = cardio? 

Lake Barren, MI

Chris and I had the opportunity to go "Up North," which for you non-Michiganders means to leave your usual dwellings and go to another part of Michigan even if its not in a northerly direction.  Brent Grember invited us to his parent's cottage on Lake Barren, which is just outside of Niles, MI.  A lovely retreat from Woodridge, we had an awesome time. 

The weather was perfect and the company was even better.  Despite being 36 weeks pregnant and definitely a sight for sore eyes in a maternity bathing suit, a.k.a boat tarp, and unable to ingest copious amounts of alcohol, I had a great time.  We laughed, busted eachother's balls and blew off explosives.  It really does not get any better than that.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kasia had a sleepover babysitter.  Mia lives across the street and is  going to be a sophomore at Downers North High School.  I trust Mia with my life-- so naturally, it made sense to propose her to watch Kasia.  I didn't want the dog just moping around the house for two days....  So, Mia was at the house watching television, rubbing Kasia's ears and playing the inside/outside game. 

On the way back from the lake, Chris and I pretty much made up our minds to get a new car.  Newly unemployed and expecting child any time, the F-250 with a lift is no longer ideal for transporting a car seat.  The truck is literally enormous and sucks in terms of being gas efficient.  So, we are exploring the idea of new car.  Any ideas?  We like anything foreign-- since they are most highly scored on the reliability scale for used cars......  4Runner?  Sequoia?  Tourag?  We are open to suggestions.

Life Changes

Well, I don't have baby news to report however, I have job front news to share.  I got laid off yesterday.  I'm sorry, the correct term is Reduction In Force.  Hi-Cone eliminated my position.  Talk about a punch in the junk.  The biggest canker sore in this whole situation?  Losing my Subaru Outback (rightfully named Lurleen), which was my company car, has been the hardest.

Fortunately, I was able to keep my Blackberry and they gave me a nice severance.  I'll have insurance through the end of August, which is awesome.  You know, in reflecting over the past few months, I prayed for this to happen.  Essentially, I get to take a few months off and enjoy our new baby, master the art of nursing and manage the household.  So, for all you pray-ers out there-- be careful what you pray for.  Jesus makes it happen.

I'm feeling very positive and hopeful for what lay ahead.  A new baby, time to take Kasia to the dog park, time for new baby, time to catch up on Mad Men..... things could be a whole lot worse.

Tom Foolery

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuj3oyZRVSY

My niece piece Greta is the smooshiest of the smooshes.  Her feet defy physics in that they are are wide as they are thick as they are long.  Kind of like a tuna can.  Magic.

In the video above, GFP is standing up.  This is huge.  She never really crawled....  just walkies.  SO, going from the sitting to standing position was her biggest hurdle, but as you can see... she nailed it.  A Perfect 10.  I couldn't be more proud.  I just love her every inch.



Y'all

Not normally a fan of recent Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons... this season's Bachelorette has me somewhat interested.  Could it be Emily's beauty?  Could it be the frickin' awesome places the cast travels to?  Either way, I watched almost all of the last night's episode.  Jef (with one F) needs to go.  I think he is super short in real life.... and the fact that he hails from SLC is scary.  Not that there is anything wrong with Utah or people from Utah--- he was just be more of a badass if he were from..... say.... Detroit.

I'm pulling for Arie Luyendyk.  He is tall, athletic, has European parents (and thus more worldly than he competitor), speaks another language and isn't a douchebag.  PLUS, Emily (as we already know) loves race car drivers.  Sold.



Now, let's talk Emily.  OK.... there are many rumors out there that she has had some "work done."  A firm believer in all things work, I think she is gorge.  Yes, her teeth are a little large.  That's ok.  She is simply, very pageanty.  Her bod is banging, her face is perfectly symmetrical and she is very polite.  I'd like to see Emily tie one on and really show us what she's made of.





Another reason why Emily is cool?  She kicked that loser Brad guy to the curb.  He is a head case and most likely will end up on a late night episode of "Nightmare Next Door."



Magic Mike

I'm not about to jump on the 50 Shades of Grey bandwagon however, I did see Magic Mike on Friday.  Not knowing what to expect, I had ZERO expectations for this film.  Armed with a size L of popcorn and a Slurpee, I was ready for anything.

Surprisingly, the movie didn't suck.  With a somewhat solid storyline, nicely toned cast of characters and appealing soundtrack, Magic Mike deserves a 7.  Channing Tatum clearly has experience as an adult dancer and Matthew McConaughey is in fantastic shape for sporting leather hiphuggers.  Personally, male strippers don't melt my butter-- but I'm sure for the typical human being, dudes in Speedos is a bonus.

To complete the weekend, I saw ANOTHER movie on Saturday night.  Ted.  A must see.  Hilarious.  Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch was stellar back in the day and thus, Mark Wahlberg is legit.  Additionally, any bong-toking stuffed animal is a shoe-in for laughs.  Not for young children, Ted left me laughing post-film.  I think my husband would say the same thing-- and he hates going to the movies.  All in all, two thumbs up.

Week 35 has been welcomed with some kick ass digit swelling and a pair of my work pants not fitting.  One trip to Target later and an afternoon spent on the couch, I am officially OVER being with calf.  I know baby Willis needs to grow more in my loins however, there isn't anymore room at the inn.  My uterus no likey.

Silver Lining

I've noticed a pattern-- Since pushing the 30 week mark in my pregnancy, its been almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning.  I toss and turn all night long, accompanied by frequent bathroom breaks.  So, come time for the alarm to go off (5:30 AM), it is as if I've just fallen asleep.  What doesn't help?  Kasia snuggling with me-- her ears EXTRA softies in the morning makes for super comfy sleeping environment.

So, here I am.  9 AM and just getting the office.  Shit.  I feel like a crappy employee.  I can't help it though.  What makes it even worse?  The fact that our backyard thermometer read 82 degrees at 8 AM..... NOT GOOD.  I feel bad for all homeless dogs out there, with no water, no pool to swim in and no heat relief..... not to mention my poor husband.  He works outside and I KNOW he is just miserable come midday.  We need a break in this weather via rain/overcast/75 degree temps.  Something.

Will you accept this rose?  Yes sir.  Watched a little of the Bachelorette last night.  That Emily, I mean, Zero Personality, is like a wet rag in terms of f-u-n.  She was presented with an opportunity to shoot guns and  race around an Indy track in an Indy car.... her response?  "Cool."  What an idiot.  Can't they cast some woman that's a bit more exciting?  Cripe, my 1-year-old niece piece would be more of a hoot than Emily.  Looks can only get you so far, and eventually, those go away.

Heat Stroke

The heat is no joke.  This is like the 500th day of +100 degree temps.  I feel bad for all the homeless puppies out there as well as my husband (who works outside as a carpenter).  If you see a stray dog cruising around, pick up, give it some water and rub its ears for at least 10 minutes.

Our grass is dead and our flowers are somehow managing to remain alive.  I water in the evenings (the flower beds) to keep things going however, Chicago needs a good 5 days of 75 degrees and rain.  Not a downpour-- a slow, steady rain.

A few items I'd like to highlight in today's blog:
1.)  Road Rage Brought On By Pregnancy
2.)  Swollen Appendages
3.)  Bi-Polar Disorder While Pregnant
4.)  Generous Friends

2.)  Swollen Appendages

This is a sensitive subject for me.  My twin sister and I suffer from sausage fingers.  Since birth, Carrie and I have always had Hobbit hands.  Not the long, piano playing and graceful digits of Adrienne Petersen-- Monforton Paws.  So, if you throw in 34 weeks of being with-child = triple sausage deluxe porky fingers.  Now I know what Greta Fat Pants must feel like.  I tried to pull on my cowboy boots this morning (which are normally a bit big)..... that was a complete joke.  After (literally) losing my breath performing this lightly cardio-like activity, I gave up.  My feet are officially puffy.  So, flip-flops are what it is today.  Good thing my toes are in good shape and are nicely polished.

1.)  Road Rage Brought On By Pregnancy

Apparently I have road rage.  Never one to deny my fiery temper, I haven't really ever classified myself as a person suffering from road rage.  I get annoyed when chics put make up on in the car while driving....  I get annoyed when people use the Left Lane (the FAST LANE) to take a Sunday stroll.  I get annoyed when people dilly-dally through Green Arrows.  The usual stuff--  Pay attention while driving, and its all good in the hood.

This morning was something a bit more fierce.  At least 3 times a week (I know, I'm fat) I cruise through the Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru for a toasted Sesame bagel with Reduced Fat cream cheese.  $2.26.  No problem.

In front of me was a lady driving a Ford Fusion/Focus/4-door somethingorother....  a broken tail light (one of my pet peeves)...  She ordered her item and SLOWLY pulled through (when no one was in front of her).  Paying for her item quickly, she then INCHED forward and PARKED.  PARKED HER FUCKING CAR.  So, not only was I unable to get to the window for my amazeballs bagel, I couldn't even move.  The chic BEHIND me started honking....  Then I gave the chic in front of me a courtesy honk.  Nothing.  Crickets.

I finally rolled down my window (here is where the road rage comes into play) and yelled "Move the fuck up."

The lady moved 2.5 inches.

I got my bagel and proceeded to drive AROUND her.  What the fuck.  Seriously?  A drive-thru is not the place to balance your checkbook.

4.)  Generous Friends

Kathleen Dell'Aquila dropped off a laundry basket full of toys for baby Willis on Wednesday.  Apparently, she and Peter (her hubby) are done in the baby department.  Personally, I think they should have one more because their kids are so stinkin' cute.







Payton (left) is the younger of the two however, bigger/taller than older sister Addison.  I call Payton "Wicket" because she is fluent in Ewokenese and lives in the trees.

3.) Bi-Poplar Disorder While Pregnant

It's true that emotions run high while with-child.  I see my therapist once a week and every time, without fail, I come home upset about something.  The most recent visit left me in tears for the entire night.  I think this week's meltdown stems from a place of fear-- I'm getting nervous about delivering and all that goes into labor.  I'm scared.  No joke.

 

10 Things

10 Things That Make Me Happy (aside from my awesomely gorgeous husband and soft-earred dog)

In no specific order:

1.)  Sweatpants.  The bigger the better.  The more tapered at the leg, the better.  Acceptable clothing for any occasion.

2.)  Chocolate and peanut butter desserts.  Always a good combo-- like Sammy Hagar and Van Halen.

3.)  Puppies.  Once again-- any shape and size will suffice.  I have yet to meet a not cute baby puppy.  It's a fact.



4.)  Bruce Springsteen.  No matter what situation life throws at you, Bruce can provide the appropriate soundtrack.  I saw him in concert with the Seeger Session Band and they rocked.  Truly, a timeless musician.



5.)  Biosilk.  The best shit for hair.  Slap a dime/nickel-sized amount into palm of hand and work through damp hair.  Style as usual.  Great smell.  Great results.



6.)  Lifetime Warranties.  They just don't exist anymore.  I have a few items with LW that I am so glad I purchased:  Mountainsmith fanny pack, Chaco sandals, Moosejaw Camelbak water bottle and my Rossignol duffel bag.



7.)  Michigan.  Yes, Michigan makes me happy.  Think about it-- America's High Five offers everything one could possibly dream up: lakes, sand dunes, fresh produce, wine, jazz, CULTURE, rolling hills, skiing, golf, miles of hiking trails, camping, shopping, Ted Nugent.....  People may bag on Detroit and thinks its a shithole, but I think its one of Michigan's gems.







8.)  Iced tea.  Calorie-free and full of antioxidants, iced tea is delicious, especially when preggers.  I recommend the Dunkin' Donuts brand or Panera.  Mouth-watering.

9.)  Garage sales.  One person's trash IS another person's treasure.  Some people are weirded out by someone else's items-- get over it.  Used shit rules.  What do you think Craigslist and Ebay are?

10.)Insurance.  I'm so happy I'm not paying out of pocket for my trips to the dentist, OB visits, etc.  I am thankful to have BC/BS save my ass when things go wrong.  I guess this parlays into being an American.  I'm happy for my freedom to vote, freedom to voice my opinion (which is strong) and freedom to immensely dislike Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and conservative fucks that hate gay people and are anti-birth control.  Granted, America has its fair share of shortcomings however, I'd rather live here than anywhere else. 







Lots of supervising-- that's what all Road Commission teams need to be renamed.  Or, 7 Guys Watching 1 Guy Dig A Hole.  After storms swept through much of the western suburbs of Chi-Town yesterday, our office was without internet until a few moments ago.  Yahtzee.  Apparently the 1 Guy Digging The Hole succeeded.  Nice work... now go take a 4 hour lunch break.

Word to the wise-- DO NOT LIFT several pieces of furniture while 34 weeks pregnant.  I could barely walk Saturday night after my baby shower earlier in the day.  To prep for people at our house, I had to clean everything thoroughly.  Vacuuming, dusting, etc.....  NOT GOOD.  I should've left the house as-is and apologized for the mess..... 

On a bright note, the shower was fun, baby Willis got more sweet loot and I got to have a lovely visit with Miss Greta Fat Pants.  Carrie and baby came up on Thursday and left early Saturday.  How sweet that little girl is-- her personality is really shining through and her walking skills are improving.  Like a little baby ewok, Greta can navigate pretty well.  A champ at opening and closing cabinets, her hobbitt fingers are more agile/nimble than expected.