Banana Walnut Bread

I just devoured a slice of my famous Banana Walnut Bread-- hawaiian style.  Well, I associate anything with bananas to Maui and my recipe isn't famous.  Baby W is now enjoying the sloppy seconds and moving around quite ravenously (my shirt is moving).  I can definitely feel the lack of room within the loins; feet/elbow/hand is always poking my right side and it causes goosebumps on my arms.  Weird.

Chris and I hit up Hobby Lobby after work yesterday.  His mom wanted us to meet her there for some items-- I wasn't quite sure why we had to go there however, I'm always down for crafting.  I tell you what-- that store is like my JACKPOT.  Trash, treasures (pronounced tray-szers) and all sorts of magic drip the aisles.  This of course gets my brain going a million miles an hour with thoughts such as "Ohhhh.... I could get some new lamps here, and then stop at HomeGoods for some throw pillows....."  It's a vicious cycle, kind of like heroin (or as they say in Intervention, "chasing the dragon.")  I do need new throw pillows though... for real.... for the TV room.

My list of things to do is continuing to grow and with a baby shower at our house this weekend, its actually more like a dark cloud over my head.  Below is a picture I reference when the dark clouds roll in:

Greta makes everything better, even explosive diarrhea brought on by spoiled potato salad.  Look at her feet and how porky they are.  Such grace, such lines.... like an Arabian horse.

Perhaps I should just hire a cleaning lady?  I mean really.....  I can't pick up full baskets of laundry anymore and its almost impossible reach for anything (due to the discomfort I feel from stretching).  I can see the add on Craigslist: 

Fat woman seeking non-English speaking cleaning lady to SCOUR home and make it free of dust, dog hair and smelliness.  Must be willing to really "get in there" and CLEAN-- no pussy-footing around with the Endust.  I mean, really get in there.

This leads me to my next point and possible shortcoming.  Not to toot my own horn however, my twin sister and I are really good at cleaning.  No job too big, no job too small, we know what's up when it comes to dirt.  Those accessories that come with a new vacuum?  Yeah.  We know how to use them ALL.  Vinegar?  Grease's WORST nightmare.  Clorox wet wipes?  See you later toilet scuzz.  Cobwebs that are almost invisible to the naked eye?  It's called a towel, a rubberband and a broom.  GET IT DONE.  Filthy fridge?  Hot water, elbow grease and a splash of vanilla (or lemon)and you're all set.



Corned Beef and Cabbage

There is a package of corned beef in our fridge screaming my name.  I just need to muster the strength to get the crock pot out and dump the damn meat in.  Random thought.  Sorry folks.

The baby's room is officially done.  All I need is a changing pad (got the changing pad covers, but no pad) and some more bottles.  We've been extremely fortunate to have received awesome presents from friends (through shower gifts and UPS), as well as kick-ass garage sale finds compliments of my sister (she is an e-treme couponer/garage sale treasure hunter).  I haven't taken any official pics of his room however, as soon as I do, they will be posted.  If you're needing a visual reference-- think rustic lake side cabin.



Chris' mom is hosting a shower for me on Saturday at our house.  I mean no disrespect however, this is turned out to be quite a bit of work on my behalf.  I have to clean the house from top to bottom (with a VERY sheddy dog, its virtually impossible to make the house clean) as well as shop for food to serve.  I typically LOVE having people over and cooking for them.... this time, I just want to show up, not do any work, then go home.  Does this make me a bitch?

I had my 33 week check-up yesterday.  All things are well in utero and fortunately, I didn't get fisted by my OB this time.  I am having some kick ass swelling in my hands and feet-- mostly my hands.  I have porky digits to begin with so, imagine a pair of blown up surgical gloves.  Not comfortable.  I'm thinking next time around, I want to be pregnant in the winter.  Screw this hot weather shit.  No one likes a whale in a house dress.

Jeremy Schmitzerle

Below is my cousin Jeremy's words.  I couldn't agree more.

 

 

 

"I wish people would read history, and realize that its not one mans fault that he has not been a good leader of humans. The fault lies in our condition as humans, and our fickle nature. Obama promised a lot, but, thats what politicians do. Politicians have to promise things to get elected. Now people hate him because he couldn't put more money in their pockets immediately. And for all you dumbasse...s who throw around Fascism, really, read a book. By the way, fascism comes from the Italian verb fasciare meaning: to bind, or bring together. If we want a good leader, we have to start bringing our priorities to tolerance and education, not money. And, also, for all the people that mention our founding fathers as justification to argue about why our current government is fucked up, remember: it was the founding fathers that were also responsible for the banking system, early fascism, and the two party system. Please people, read a book! This rant is not intended for everybody, of course, but, I don't know where people get their information. If Democracy is intended to put the power in the hands of the people, why don't we start exercising our power? It's unfortunate, that in our society(western society)economic prosperity equals social happiness. Freedom requires, not just sacrifice on the battlefield, but by us as citizens in our country. Real liberation freedom takes real sacrifice from everybody, but nobody is willing to do that. Ultimately, people just want to be comfortable, not free. So,go ahead, trash Obama, and pick a candidate that will get you back to your comfort zone. Hopefully it works out for us as a society, but, if Romney gets elected, and doesn't deliver in four years, don't blame him, blame yourselves. And, it's always amazing to me that in this day and age that people are still holding on to the hope that a person can do anything in four years, and then blame that person for not performing miracles."

It's Friday and my punchlist of things to do this weekend is already 1.5 pages long.  Chris is working tomorrow (which totally sucks) so I can't count on him for help.  Dammit.  Kasia sure is no help in the chores department.

Game plan-- Take Kasia to the dog park early morning to make her tired for the rest of the day.  This way, she'll be posted up in her room and not bothering me when I'm trying to fold socks.  Otherwise, it's the Sock Game all day long and no one wins; everyone loses.

It's day 4 of being SOOOO tired.  Holy shit.  I could fall asleep under my desk.  Last night we went to Buy Buy Baby and didn't get home until 8:30.  WAY past my bed time.  From being on my feet all day yesterday, they are so swollen and hurty today.  I could barely get my shoes on for work this morning.  Anyhoo, the goal of shopping last night was to find some 15 x 33 cradle sheets.  No luck.  I guess I'll have to go to Amazon and cross my fingers.

What's in a bag?

I'm taking a cue from People Magazine-- when they invade someone's personal space and ask what's in their purse.  Below is what is in my purse:

Car keys
Large bottle of Tums, Mixed Berry flavor
red Vera Bradley wallet
black satin headband
glasses case (I don't currently know where my glasses are)
A bottle of Citrucel
iPod charger
caribbeaner
small black print Vera Bradley cosmetic bag holding an assortment of lip glosses*

*I apply lip gloss or lipstick or some sort of chapping aid once a day-- the morning.  I am NOT a re-applyer of anything involving my lips, unless of course I have a dreaded cold sore.  If the herpes have invaded my oral area, I don't apply anything to my lips-- I just ingest several Lysine pills throughout the day.

I'd also like to add -- when celebs do this purse exercise, they always "happen to have" the most expensive hand cream (Creme de la Mer), a ridiculous assortment of Chanel lipglosses, Nook/Kindle/iPad/device, a first class ticket to the Seychelles and gum.  What they seem to omit from the pictures is the pack of Marlboro Reds, 3 cans of Sugar-Free Redbull and crack.  Just sayin...

Some office people surprised me with a luncheon/baby shower today.  Most days I hate being in the office however, today was a nice change of pace.  I should be more thankful for the cool peeps I work with-- I really only talk about the lame ones.  It's nice to see baby Willis embraced by those who haven't even met him!  Favorite present received?  Waterproof Crib sheet.  Bring on the poopies, pee-pees and barfies.

Backfire, Like Uncle Buck's car

My plan to arrive home yesterday from work, stay awake until 8 PM then go to bed totally blew up in my face.  The night before I didn't sleep well at all and was up by 3 AM ready to start the day.  Naturally, after lunch yesterday I was dragging ass.  All I wanted to do was go home, put on sweats and hit the rack.

So, Chris and I get home at the same time last night.  I made a quick dinner of amazeballs Velveeta Shells and Cheese, ingested said carbs and then posted up on the couch.  Great-- I thought to myself "It's 5 PM.  I just need to stay awake a few more hours, then I'll be ready for an awesome night's sleep."  I don't know what came over me however, Chris put the Cubs game on and boom, I was out.  He woke me up at 8:30 to get in bed.  Damn.  My plan backfired.

Needless to say, I slept sort of well-- Kasia woke me up twice for an ear rub.  The worst part of this whole sleeping schedule mishap is that I'm two days behind in chores.  Normally, I keep the sink free of dishes, the trash taken out appropriately and the floor swept/cleared of doggie hairs.  Leaving for work this morning, all mentioned items are left undone. 

On a brighter note, it's Thurday and almost the weekend.  The temperature isn't 198, so that means I actually get to go outside and do some weeding/garden putzing.  My peony bush has this weird white powder on the leaves which I assume is some form of plant AIDS.  I need to get that shit tightened up before it spreads.  Not to mention, there are some weeds that need pulling.  Fortunately, my morning glories are starting to climb its trellis.  HOPEFULLY, the flowers will be big and magenta.  Love.

I awoke at 3:25 AM this morning.  Normally, I toss and turn all night long.  Let's not forget the 432 bathroom breaks plus one dog waking me up to go outside to look for baby rabbits.  So, a good night's sleep has been out of the question for about 28 weeks now.  This morning however, was a bit unusual.

I opened my eyes and literally could not fall back asleep.  So annoying.  More annoying?  The burning acid that has been hanging out in my throat for the past 24 hours.  Worse than that?  Cramps.  Fucking awesome.  I decided to get out of bed and hit up the TV room for some Teen Mom action.  Good thing Kasia woke up to keep me company.  Sidenote-- in the wee hours of the morning, Kasia's ears are extra soft and cold, which in turn equals maximum pliability.

After catching up on a Teen Mom episode, I did two loads of laundry and watered the flowers out front.  By this time it was 5:30 and Chris' alarm was going off.  If this is a snapshot into life with a newborn, I can handle it.  What I can't handle is the exhaustion that set in around 6:30.  Holy shit.  I laid back down just as Chris left for work and couldn't stay awake.  My boss is in the office today, so there was no way I could work from home.

It is now 10:30 AM.  I still have cramps and am hungry.  A toasted sesame bagel with cream cheese sounds delicious.  There is no way I'm going to make it to the afternoon.  I need my sweatpants and I need them now.

Let's Vent, Shall We?

It's Tuesday, thus NOT the start of the week, so I'm going to vent a bit.

The Itasca Road Commission:
Since I'm officially an office person (temporarily) I travel to and from work every day, Monday through Friday.  Taking either I-355 (from 63rd St. to Lake St.) or Route 53 (toll free) to make the commute.  For whatever reason, reasons that Jesus doesn't even know, the Itasca Road Commission seems to fuck up this commute SOMEHOW every day.  Under construction for SEVERAL months now is Rohwling Road, where my office sits.  Rohwling Road is also Route 53.  So, no matter what, I have to get on this road to pick up I-355 or stay on it to get home.

With this everlasting construction and start/stop flow of cars, I have had the opportunity to observe the hard working people of the IRC.  Let me just say there is LOTS of supervising.  NOT a whole lot of working.  Example you ask?  Well, let me paint a picture:

One guy working in the back how-- actually hauling dirt out of a ditch
One guy shoveling and loosening dirt for the back how guy
5 people SUPERVISING..... not even holding clipboards.  Just freakin' standing there.

I am willing to bet that said people make way more than I do.  Plus, their benefits probably kick ass.

So, while this construction takes place (which I assume will continue for SEVERAL months), I just have to sit back and watch these lazy assholes hold stop signs and chew the fat.... and hold up traffic.

Lack of Rain In The Forecast:
Chicagoland is experiencing a drought.  Our grass is almost dead.  Well, the front grass is almost dead.  The back grass has remained alive because we water sparingly every night, since Chris laid pieces of new sod several weeks ago.  The 95 degree temps every day are also affecting my poor husband.  He has to work outside all day, so come time for 5 o'clock to roll around, he is tired, hot, partially dehydrated and sunburned.  Also, its too hot to take Kasia to the dog park.  When I win the lottery, I'm going to build a dog water park.  It will have the following items:

Lifeguards
A lazy river (one foot deep)
A large pool with great water circulation to prevent dog hair clumpies around the filters
SHADE
lawn chairs in the shape of doggie beds
A dock for dog's to retrieve items
Ear rubbing station

This dog park will be named something along the lines of Splish Splash Bark Park or Wet N' Wags.  Do you think I could make a fortune with my idea?

http://www.createajoyfullife.com/

If you haven't already, please view the blog located above.  Great.  All around awesome.  Snaps.

Sleeping Dog

It's another scorcher out there today.  My poor husband.  A framer/carpenter by trade, Chris has to endure the cold winters and hot-ass summers slingin' nails.  He will tell you any day of the week that -15 is WAY better than anything over 65. 

Chris usually gets home from work before me.  During the hot months, I typically find him posted up on the couch with a LARGE cup of something to drink and an odd look on his face.  I have come to learn that the "odd" look is from working all day without food in his belly.  He says "its too hot to eat."  OH.  OK.  I feel much better knowing that you've been up on a hot roof all day, with no shade to speak of with no food in your system.  Great.  I'll you what--  there is no amount of Gatorade that can provide enough calories to off-set the amount of perspiring you're doing throughout the day, Chris.  You must eat before you leave for work, or else you're going to end up on the front lawn, having fallen a few stories from heat stroke/passing out, with several broken bones or worse, dead.

So, after he posts up on the couch for several minutes to cool the jets (I used to not believe in A/C however, since being pregnant + a very hot June + a hubbie that is as white as a sheet post work = 72 degree thermostat) he gets his wits about him, showers and eats a large meal.  I then feel better.  We don't like the ole' blood sugar hovering around 19.  I like it at 120 thank you very much.

In celebration of Greta Fat Pants Banana Hammock's 1st birthday, Chris, Kasia and I headed to B-Town for her Unicorn/Rainbow/LGBT fiesta.  I can't believe Greta was born a year ago.  It seems like just yesterday she was the size of a little stinker fat, with small little underpants and teeny hands.  Now, Greta is walking (like an Ewok) and speaking Vietnamese/Polish fusion and has quite the personality.  She does this thing with her eyebrows as if she is giving you the stink eye.  So cute, yet so saucey.  (pictures soon to follow)

We had the opportunity to meet Carrie's Mom's Club friends, Cook Medical friends and Greta's little bandmates.  Everyone was so nice and easy to talk to.  With Dave taking a new job in Fort Wayne in a few short weeks, I know they are sad to leave their Bloomington family behind.  Plus, Oliver and Sam are Greta's fellow gang members (The Underpants Gang) and the gang must always stick together.  Thug Life.

I'd also like to add that Greta's hair and fat feet are amazeballs.  Her hair is magically whispy like sheets of toilet paper and her feet defy physics.

ANNOUNCEMENT:  Baby rabbits have set up shop in our backyard.  Kasia found them last night.  Chris is NOT HAPPY.  Those damn rabbit slut moms dig up holes in our grass (new sod) and make Chris super pissed.  I know they'll be gone in a few weeks, so until then, I will await the time when I can pick them up, smell them and pretend to put them in my pocket.

32 Weeks With Calf and Counting.  I have 8 weeks left.  God grant me the patience that I will make it that far.  My hands hurt and I feel super freakin' fat.  Well, I am fat.

I had a doctor's appointment with Bitch Doctor on Friday.  (see previous post)  Apparently they are considering me HIGH RISK due to my bleeding/contractions scare two weeks ago.  BD wants me to get to 34 weeks, then she won't worry about me anymore.  Until then, no more picking up laundry baskets full of dirty clothes.  Also, BD wasn't as bitchy.  I feel bad for naming her BD.

Due to the very high June temps Chicago has been experiencing, I'm officially obsessed with checking the weather/radar.  The midwest is way under for rain = gross grass in the Willis' front yard.  Most people probably don't care about how their grass looks however, I do.  Plus, we spent alot of time and money making our flower beds/grass no whitetrashy, so its natural that I want shit looking right and tight.

FATHER'S DAY:
Happy Father's Day to Chris, a future father.  He will be a great dad to baby Willis because he is far more patient than I.  Also, Chris is good at baiting worms on hooks, so I know he'll take junior fishing.  I don't do worms because they look like mini snakes and we all know that Mofos DON'T DO SNAKES (they dont have legs and thus, its unnatural and disgusting).

Pork Mittens

31 weeks and counting.  I had a dream last night that I was in labor.  I mean, I wasn't actually in labor, but the dream sequence alluded to me being in labor.  Then, Kasia ripped me from my sleep by wanting to do snugglies at 3 AM.  I will never turn down my sweet dog for snugglies.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with Bitch Doctor.  Let me elaborate-- (we'll call her Cindy)  Cindy had been my ob/gyn since I moved to the suburbs.  So, for the past 3 years I would see Cindy once a year or so to get my script for birth control, or whatever tuning I needed.

When I took a positive pregnancy test, Cindy confirmed that I was pregnant.... all good.  Then, around week 25 or so, I asked for her to write an official note indicating that air travel would be limited (due to my feet and hands swelling post-flight).  Cindy wouldn't do it.  She said there was no medical reason why my hands and feet were swelling and thus, couldn't write a note.  Bitch.  Fine.  I can live with that, but only after a sobbing meltdown to my twin sister.

Week 27 rolls around and I had another appointment with a different doctor in the practice (they rotate doctor's because you never know who will be on call when "D" day arrives).  Dr. Gallo is the ob who confirmed that our son was in fact a son.  He also shares the same birthday as Chris.  Serendipitous?  I think so.

So, I see Dr. G and take another stab at a no air travel note.  Before the words rolled off my tongue, he was done writing the thing.  "Jennifer Willis will no longer be able to travel after today's date."  Done.  How easy was that?  Mad props to Dr. G and muff punches to Cindy the Bitch.

Fast forward to last week when I had to have a sleepover in the hospital.  Bitch Doctor happens to be on call.  Shit.  Was she bitchy you ask?  Of course.

Muchas Gracias

The following items have gotten me through 31 weeks of pregnancy, in no specific order:

Toasted Sesame bagels from Dunkin' Donuts (with reduced fat cream cheese)
Orange Juice
unsweetened Iced Tea
Salami*
Swiss Cheese
French Fries
McDonald's meal #4 (which I believe is the 2 cheeseburger meal)

*Many pregnancy blogs, books and doctors will tell an expecting mom to avoid lunch meat and beer.  My doctor however, is a firm believer that as long as you avoid bologna being sold out of the back of some stranger's trunk, everything at the grocery store should is fine.  With that being said, I have had sandwiches with cold cuts and few sips of beer.  My heartburn is so bad that after about 3 sips of beer, my throat feels like its on fire....  Cigarettes however, are another story. 

I don't think that any pregnant mom should be around or smoke cigarettes.  There is NOTHING favorable about a pack of Marlboro Lights and babies (unborn or born).  So, a special shout out to my awesomely hot husband for kicking the habit not only for himself but also for me and Baby Willis.  Chris was a smoker for roughly 15 years and has demonstrated how committed he is to remaining smoke-free.  Love you Stacks.

Back the bagel situation.  Perhaps it is carbs in general that seem so appealing right now or that I've surrendered to my HUGE thighs .....  Bagels just hit the damn spot.  In Woodridge, IL (home base for the Willis clan) there are no good bagel joints (Einstein's, Brueggers, Detroit Bagel Co.)... so I have to settle for Dunkin' Donuts or the grocery store brand.  The best bagel is smooth and somewhat crisp on the outside but gooey and soft on the inside.



Additionally I like to add that I've always loved bread however, my body doesn't agree with it.  Physically or digestionly.  I'm an addict though and must have it.

TOPIC #2  TEEN MOM

Holy shit.  Did anyone else see Teen Mom last night on MTV?  It is the final season for Farrah, Catelyn, Maci and Amber.  It appears as though 3 of the 4 chics have gotten their shit together and are living their lives as responsible adults.  Wait.  I'm sorry.  2 of the 4.  I forgot how big of a fucking bitch Farrah is.  Let's recap the lives of the tortured souls:



Farrah was impregnated in high school by now deceased ex-boyfriend Derek.  Fortunate to have two loving parents to voluntarily offer help and financial support, Farrah may be the bitchiest, most ungrateful kid on television.  This season she decides she is going to uproot her daughter and move to Florida.  Let's throw out the window that Farrah's parents are her financial legs to stand on.  What a selfish bitch.  Stay in Iowa, raise your daughter and get an attitude adjustment.

Amber.  What an angry young woman.  Plagued by a constant veil of anger and Jerry Springer (possibly caused by living in Anderson, IN which is the most white trash town in the state), Amber is basically a time bomb ticking away.  Court ordered to rehab in California and clearly over medicated, Amber needs to come to grips with being a responsible adult.  Also, her self confidence would increase by leaps and bounds if she ditched the facial/hand piercings, fake eyelashes, spray tan and horribly long acrylic nails.

Thank you Jesus for birth control and education.  Also, thank you Jesus for TV moms like Maci and Catelyn-- who demonstrate mature decision making and doing what is best for their kids.



My Bucket Runneth Over

You're probably wondering who that delightful creature is above...... That's Bucket, a.k.a. Beckett Alexander.  Freshly hatched by parents Kirsten and Chris, baby "Bucket" (as I like to call him) is equally smooshy or greater than a box full of puppies and rainbows.  And no, he was not posed for the shot on the couch.  That's Buckets' regular MO--  channel Ron Burgundy minus the polyester..... "Hellooooo ladies."  Additionally, I think Bucket will be a future Air Supply fan as well as a huge supporter of rollerskating.

My hands are officially perma-swollen;  I can't even wear my big, fake (and gaudy) 4 carat CZ.  (the ring is so fake that there is rust on the backside of it....classy).  I'm trying very hard to avoid additional sodium in my "diet" however, that may hinder my morning routine of a toasted sesame bagel with reduced fat cream cheese from Dunkin' Donuts.  I have pretty much sworn away all pop (with the exception of some Ginger Ale and Sprite when my stomach gets upset), but I have definitely NOT been watching what goes into the pie hole.  Example?  I have a cheeseburger and fries at least once a week at lunch.

Once child comes I have the utmost confidence I'll be able to get back to my old eating habits.  I'm not saying I will go back to consuming several Diet Cokes a day-- I am saying that HOPEFULLY, my taste buds will return to normal and salad will once again taste delicious.

Christopher Robin

As frustrating as work can be (for anyone) there are bright and shiny moments that seem to brighten the worst of days.  Not that my day on Thursday was super crappy however, I participated in a meeting that afternoon that was nothing less than frustrating.  Post-meeting, I basically threw my arms up and waved the old white flag. 

The silver lining you ask?  Julie, one of my co-workers is like a magical puppy-- capable of sensing other humans' emotions.  Reading my cues during the Thursday shitstorm (a.k.a. meeting), Julie called me after work to see how I was-- she KNEW I was annoyed and ready to throw in the towel.  This morning, she greeted me with two of my favorite things:  a bottle of Perrier and some dark chocolate.  Julie fucking rocks.  Additionally, she had written down one of her favorite quotes:

"Promise me you'll always remember:  You're braver than you believe, and smarter than you think and stronger than you seem." -- Christopher Robin.

What a breath of fresh air amongst a cloud of fart dust.

In other news, I spent Thursday night in the hospital.  Not typically one to air out my dirty health laundry however, it definitely threw a wrench in the bike chain in my pregnancy.  After work (the shitstorm meeting day) Chris and I went to his evening dentist appointment and concluded our dental date at Taco Express.  Romantic, I know.  Tamales and Novocaine.

When we got home I noticed quite a bit of blood upon a bathroom visit.  I immediately thought to myself, "What did I do today that could have caused this?"  I try (with the help of my therapist's behavioral modification exercises) to be logical and rational..... often not succeeding.  I was calm and asked Chris what may be causing the bleeding.  A few Google searches later, we were directed to calling the doctor.  The doctor recommended a trip to the hospital.  Great.

I arrived at Good Samaritan Hospital around 7:30 PM-- thinking it would only be a few hours, then head home.  After getting hooked up to a fetal (not fecal) monitor, I was apparently having contractions on top of the bleeding.  I couldn't feel the contractions-- which is apparently normal at 30 weeks.  They decided to keep me overnight to observe me and baby.  Through the night the contractions stopped however, the bleeding didn't.  I was discharged late Friday morning with directions to take it easy-- light duty essentially.

Still unsure of what caused the bleeding (which finally stopped on Saturday), I definitely was scared.  I guess I still am-- actually, I am more curious of what is going on in "there."  Baby Willis is sure making a racket.... just like his dad.

Upon being discharged, I went home for a while and determined I would resume my weekend as planned-- heading back to The Mitten for my baby shower.  (Chris was to spend his weekend with the dog in Wisconsin).  I made the 4-hour trek back to America's High Five and had a lovely shower on Saturday. 

My twin sister, mom and two aunts did a great job hosting the shower.  The guests and I enjoyed a delicious lunch and then opened a TON of presents.  I feel so blessed-- baby Willis will be nothing short of loved.  I swear, Carrie should go into event planning.

Another reason why my weekend was delightful-- GRETA.  She celebrated her 1st birthday on Friday.  I can't believe it's been one year since she was borked from the unicorn forest.  Favoring all things Ewok, Greta loves to "cruise around" while holding an item in her hand.  Her favorite items to hold?  Paper, a graham cracker, a sock, actually..... she'll hold anything.  Greta also loves to clap her hands and play the "Where's Pepe?" game.  Pepe = my dad.... pronounced "Pip-pee."

Greta's hair is magically soft and her feet are super porky.  In fact, I'm surprised my sister can find shoes for the kid.  Her feet are as wide as they are long as they are thick.  Kind of like a tuna can or a circle.

Mitten Bound

In just a day I will be heading back to the Mitten for my first official baby shower.  I'm so pumped however, NOT pumped for the 4 hour drive.  I am enrolled in a "Time Management and Personal Effectiveness" class in the northern suburbs tomorrow, so I will be hitting the road in the afternoon.  It's going to be a long day.

Chris and I have already received tons of loot via UPS from our registries (Target and BuyBuyBaby).  We are so blessed to have a supportive group of family and friends that want to hook us up with cool baby shit.  Sidenote-- I need to invent an "Adult Swing" that's non-porno, designed just like a baby swing. 

Last night we went out looking for a dresser/changing table.  Thinking not too seriously about this adventure, we figured a quick trip to Home Place furniture or HomeGoods would supply us with what we were looking for.  Holy shit was I wrong.  SEVERAL stores later, we found ourselves at Hooters, pissed about lack of dresser selection.  WTF.  Does BuyBuyBaby really think we are going to pay $700.00 for some shitty dresser made of MDF?  Chris could make one out of solid Maple for less money.  Speaking of BBB, let me elaborate on that debacle:

Arriving home from work last night, there was a large package from UPS sitting on the stoop.  Turns out, a mystery person purchased a Snap 'N Go stroller apparatus for our car seat.  Sweet.  There was no note, no return information, nothing.  We have no clue who bought this.  Knowing we'd be hitting up BuyBuyBaby (where this item was listed on our registry), I thought we could reference their database and find out who bought the item.

30 minutes later with two dumbass bitches named Jasmine and Shanice (plus one drunk kid), they could barely find our registry.  Taylor and Jenay Willits?  Jen and Mike Wilson?  No asshole.  Jennie and Chris Willis.  August 12th due date.  Not rocket science.  Chris got up first because he has zero tolerance for crap--  I sat for an additional 5 minutes, hoping for success.  I thought way too much of these knuckleheads.  I still don't know who bought this stroller for us.  AND I'm going to write a letter to the manager and complain about the bullshit customer service.

I guess the silver lining was my boneless wings from Hooters with hot sauce.

Kasia also took a dump in our house yesterday.  I think she is beginning to sense something is on the horizon.  Do you think she equates taking shits in the house as a form of protest?  Her ears were extra soft last night so that is what I equate shits in the house to be.

Greta Gorda Pantalones Bananahammock

On June 8th of 2012, my little niecepiece/goddaughter will be 1 year old.  I can't believe a year has lapsed.  Literally.  She was just borked.  Since Greta hails from the Shire and/or a lone forest filled with unicorns, rainbows, baby puppies and copious amounts of soft things, she is of course, still perfect.  Below is a photo montage of GGPB in her finest moments:

Greta's underpants

Greta giving someone the stink eye

Greta, fresh after getting her weave snapped/tracks reglued

You can see Greta's arm pork slowly starting to emerge

Uncle Chris would never admit how much he loves his niece





Second Chances?

For those closest to me, you know how much of a believer I am in second chances, third chances and sometimes, fourth chances.  (well, most cases).  I believe that people can change; turn over a new leaf.  Lord knows we are capable of being every evolving, depending on how badly one wants to change/better themselves.  I, by no means, am perfect.  I have many shortcomings and faults.  Despite my imperfectness, I do take bettering myself seriously (I see a therapist once a week to help with problem solving skills, rational thinking, stress handling tips, etc).

With all being said, I have recently been "friended" on facebook by someone from my past..... a.k.a ex-boyfriend.  Taking into account people's ability to better themselves, I am VERY skeptical of this particular person's ability to suddenly be "enlightened."  His wall posts are ridiculous.  His ego is obviously still in tact and larger than ever.  I'm tempted to illustrate his rap sheet-- its long, curvy, slimy and filled with bullshit.  I, being the bigger person, will never call his bluff however, my ever-evolving self knows now to tread lightly on those who have burned me in the past.  Did I mention he suddenly loves Jesus?  Yeah.  Interesting.





Thank God I found a kick ass partner in my husband.

Instead of claiming it "Wedding Season," I will now be naming summer as "Shower Season."  Baby showers left and right.  I have been blessed with 3 showers-- my mom, aunts and sisters are throwing me a shower back in Michigan this weekend.  On June 30th my mother-in-law is throwing me a shower and on the 21st of July my friend from college is hosting a shower.  Holy crap.  I feel bad-- no one can be that excited about a baby..... can they?  I swear, baby Willis already has WAY MORE clothes than his father and I put together.





Bologne sandwiches

Friday.  Yessss.  No therapy appointment (thank you to Lori, my awesome therapist, for accommodating me last night) for tomorrow-- just sweatpants and gardening.  I'm sure Kasia wouldn't frown at a visit to the dog park either.  We finished baby Willis' room (officially) on Monday, so I should probably put all of his clothes in order and get the small things squared away.

Speaking of which, MAD props to Melissa Willis, Kathleen Wills, Jan Monforton, Carrie Monforton Norton, Janice Monforton and Clara Monforton.  I came home from work last night to two packages on the front stoop.  A Cicco Keyfit carseat/base and a Bob jogging stroller.  Yahtzee.  Two HUGE items to cross off the list of apparent "mommy must-haves."  With all the clothes baby Willis has and now a stroller and carseat, the only crucial items I really need are:

-Diapers/wipies
-bottles
-breast pump
-a healthy baby

On Sunday I will be 30 weeks.  Gosh the time has FLOWN by.  Just yesterday it seems like I was in my kitchen (with Brent Grember) and awaiting Stacks to get home-- to show him my positive pregnancy test.  Funny as it sounds, Brent was actually the first person to know I was pregnant.  Life's little moments are hilarious.

So, in walks Chris.....  fresh off the job site...... and me flashing a stick with pee on it and a "+" sign.... and Brent drinking a Miller Lite.  Now, here we are.  In a mere few weeks, I'll be a mommy.  I have no clue what the hell I'm doing.