Well, we got it.  A short sale in the United States has gone through in less than 6 months.  Holy shit, hallelujah and where's the Tylenol.  We close on our house on August 1, so we have lots to do in the mean time.  Chris wants to install new floors at the new house (its a dump) and get things tightened up before we move all of our chattels.  Talk about having a million balls in the air.  I guess thats how we roll.  Circus style.

I'm officially the mother of two and seriously lagging behind in all things life related.  Laundry, showering, blogging, exercising, sleeping….. you name it.

Casey Elizabeth Willis joined the world via c-section on May 15, 2014.  8lbs even and cute as a button.  The surgery was a sunnovabitch however, I managed to survive.  Mazel.

Lots to catch up on….. I'll do the Cliffnotes version:

-I'm 34 weeks pregnant and we have no name.  Can't agree.  Help.

-Beau fell and got knocked out a few weeks ago, also puncturing the shit out of his mouth (running with a stick-like item in his hand).  Lots of blood, no crying…… hello ER.  He pulled through and loved the sink in the triage of Good Samaritan Hospital.

-Lindsay Lohan is still a hot fucking mess.  Her show on the OWN Network is hilarious and makes me feel good about myself.  She has 3 assistants, a life coach, a sober coach and still can't get it together.  Am I missing something?

-We put an offer in on a short sale several weeks ago and its KILLING me to not know if we got it or not.  260 Saint Andrews Dr, Bolingbrook, IL  Check it out.  Lots of potential.

-Spring has sprung and I'm itching to get out and plant.  The side yard is my domain and I am so excited to go plant shopping.  My version of Heaven is drinking margaritas all day, listening to Hall & Oates and gardening.  Weird.  I know.

-Greta and Beau got their picture taken last week.  There was a live rabbit.  The rabbit lived.  Score.

-There was a murder/suicide in our town last week.  Terribly sad.  A father stabbed his 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER then hung himself.  I can't even believe it.  I've been thinking how that child's mother can go on living her life.  Holy shit.  I'd have to be committed or become a drug addict.

-I've been grasping the concept that happiness is a choice.  Literally.  Ponder that for a day or two, then get back to me.

Two words:  Lindsay Lohan.  What a fucking train wreck.  Apparently she has a new reality show on the OWN Network…… until this moment I thought Oprah was a smart lady.  Cameras follow Lindsay around in New York City as she acts like herself and viewers wonder why she is famous.  Wait.  Why is she famous?  First of all, she is sober.  Sober = suckage.  She is the most defensive person in the whole world and clearly, entitled.  I'm already exhausted thinking about all of the work she needs to do in her life to make it better.

I'm officially an uncomfortable pregnant chic.  Baby Willis is all up in the right side of my ribcage.  Weird and not comfy at all.  She moves all day long, all night long.  I wonder if she'll be as active as my 19-month-old?

I need a margarita.

Both kiddies are sleeping (at least for this moment) and the laundry is going, so I can't do anything else but play on the computer :)  Please note, I'm still in my pjs, haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face and there are dishes in the sink.  Moving on.

Its a Colorado day here in Chicago.  The sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky.  Yes.  Too bad our backyard is literally a lake of melted snow and dogshit.  Awesome.  Not even my U of M rain boots could help me clean up what is out there.  I'm thinking of calling one of those dog crap picker upper companies and having them do the initial few pickups.

We moved Beau into his new room this week.  Chris replaced the baseboards and painted-- Burnish Clay is the color.  The walls look like a beautiful shade of Destin, FL sand.  Taupey grey but not sad looking.  My MIL is making some valances for the room to dress it up a bit.  And no, he isn't in a big boy bed yet.  No way.  He isn't climbing out today, so he will remain in lock up til that happens.

Un-named baby girl Willis is in Beau's old room.  The walls are a grey green-- hard to describe-- with wood paneling on one wall.  To keep it rustic-y, I opted for a red gingham crib skirt and bumper, with white panels from Ikea with teeny tiny bugs with gingham accents.  Not too girly, not too lame…. nothing fancy.

Annnndddd to tie it all in a bow, "Crossroads" starring Brit Brit is on.  Yes.  Best acting EVER.

Yesterday was a horseshit day and I feel guilty for even mentioning it.  Many people are way worse off than me….  it was just a crummy day.  To top it all off, I whacked my forehead HARD on the car door.  NOT good.  I literally have an indentation on my head.  Literally.  Indent.  Bruise soon to follow.

I couldn't sleep last night, so to help myself nod off, I was thinking of "facts" in my life.  The facts of life.  Get it?

-Our garbage man always has a smile on his face and looks like Sammy Hagar's twin.  I would be smiling, too if I looked like The Red Rocker.

-True friends/old pals stay in your life forever.  This is a big one.  Just this week I spoke with an old friend (dating back to 6th grade) about mortgages and he reminded me how its awesome that I haven't changed a bit.  

-Free hand-me-downs kick ass.  Having kids, for those that don't have children, seem to magically have a grasp on this.  Its not expensive like buying a car….. but its expensive like buying a house.  It always needing upgrades.  As we welcome our second in spring, we got hooked up with a free crib from (DING DING) an old friend.  Love that.  No more of the horseshit garage sale sites on Facebook to buy used items (which are overpriced)…  our friends have come out in droves to offer their old items.  Love it.

-I will never like music that is popular on the radio.  Ever.  For whatever reason, I always go back to the same bands from the same era.  Sorry Miley or whoever the next tweaking whore is on MTV.  No me gusta.

Enough facts.

We took Beau to Toys R Us last night to get a birthday gift for our friend's son.  Holy shit.  Beau's eyes were WIDE open.  He had never seen such a sight.  TOYS everywhere.  I don't think he blinked.  He also was making panting noises.  I couldn't stop laughing.  Shep really like the bike department and the action figure aisle.  He also like the doll babies but Chris didn't like that.  I bet staff at that place watch kids walk outta there crying every day.  There was a family leaving and two of the kids got time outs for asking for something-- I guess thats the T'R'U rule-- don't ask for shit upon walking in.

Act 2, Dog Disaster:

I picked up Kasia yesterday afternoon from the vet.  Her surgery went well and only $900 later, she is on the mend AGAIN.  I now know the life does have some accuracy.  2 steps forward, 4 steps back.  Fact.  I'm being a bit melodramatic-- its just frustration mainly….  I feel bad that my dog had to go through this horseshit again.  Since canines can't talk and only express themselves through their ears and bike flags (tails), I feel extra sad for my little hairy unicorn.

For my Lenten promise I have given up Facebook.  I was checking my phone a bit too often-- so, I am taking a sabbatical from the page.  Not that I adhere to all the Catholic rules, and we all know there are lots, I do think giving up something once in a while are good for character.  Plus, I couldn't get to church last night.  I'm already a bad Catholic.

We put an offer in on a short sale yesterday.  Short sales can take several months to be approved by the bank-- so fingers crossed we get it.  The house is 3700 sq. ft and was dirt cheap.  We could flip that bad boy and make a nice profit.  Plus, Chris and I work very well together when it comes to home projects.

For those that don't know my Chris, he is very talented when it comes to visualizing what something could be and design.  Not to toot my own horn but, I too know my way around a design center.  I should've gotten my ASID (design certification).  So, this potential project will be a nice outlet for both of us to make a turd into a beautiful gem.

Anyone out there know what to do with old laptops?  We have two-- can they be refurbished?  Does Best Buy offer that service?  I hate to toss them.

I'd like to preface what I'm about to say with the fact that I am thankful.  I am thankful for my health, my family, my friends, my freedom, sports bras.  However, fuck today.

Everything is going great this morning.  I'm making breakfast, Shep is speaking in unicorn/ewok, its snowing…..great.  Kasia strolls into the kitchen dripping blood with a gaping hole in her shoulder.  WTF.

Sidenote:  Kasia had a tumor removed from her right shoulder two weeks ago at a vet in Minooka (40 minutes away).  Her stitches were taken out yesterday (40 minutes away) and I thought the rough patch was behind us.

Fast forward to this morning.  Gaping hole.  Blood.  WTF.  I quickly realized that the wound had completely reopened.  Holy hell.  I don't have time to drive all the way to Minooka?!?!  Enter: expensive Arboretum Animal Hospital.

$1200 dollars later, and another surgery, Kasia is now resting comfortably waiting for her momma to pick her up.  Crisis slightly averted.  Lesson taken away from this situation:  Dogs are expensive.  When people assume having a large breed canine is a walk in the financial park, you have my permission to kick them in the throat.

Can someone please explain to me how Twitter works?  I don't get it.  My sister said someone "tweeted" her.  What does that mean exactly?

Beau got his first dose of hair pro-duct this morning, compliments of Auntie Colie (aka Nicole our neighbor).  First, she wet Beau's weave with water then slapped on some manipulative shit that allowed his hair to reach new lengths.  It was awesome.  Plus, Beau was rocking' his Hooters hoodie…. so all together, he looked like a whitetrash pedophile who loves Whitesnake.  #ilovetawnie

I was told today that I have a big butt.  Well, no shit Sherlock.  Being pregnant and hating being pregnant (no offense), hearing those words hurt my feelings.  I may just end up with an eating disorder post birth.

I foolishly watched the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Dipshits last night.  What the hell was I thinking?  I forgot how much I dislike the way the Kardashians talk; like they're chewing they're faces. Kourtney is the worst at face chewing-- dipshits.

I'm going to take a page from my friend KKR and do a "Roses and Thorns" piece…… or Bret Michaels, whichever way you want to see it.

ROSES:

Chris and I went to Fort Wayne this weekend to see Carrie, Dave and my parents.  Beau and Greta love each other, so it was joyous to watch them interact and play.  Also, its nice having my folks back from Maui-- too bad they came back to a gazillion inches of snow and ice.  Sorry not sorry.

Kasia's cancer surgery went well.  Her mast cell tumor was completely removed (as well as the marginal area surrounding) and the lab results came back favorable.  So, for the next several days, she is rocking' a t-shirt to cover her many stitches (which run behind her right front leg and down into her armpit.  Poor unicorn.

The sun has been shining lately.  I call such days "Colorado Days."  Colorado Days make me miss my days in Crested Butte, when everything revolved around skiing, drinking Diet Coke, having fun and drinking copious amounts of Crested Butte Brewery's White Buffalo Ale. …. and listening to Wu Tang and Bob Seger.

Beau learned how to climb on top of Carrie and Dave's dining room table and do Riverdance.  (see Thorns)

An eBay find and shopping in Carrie's basement = all of the baby's room linens.  YES.  I was worried I was going to want to go and buy all new stuff.  No good when you're on a budget.  Her room will be a miss mash of white furniture, red gingham print and glittery bugs on her walls.  So excited.

Mason is growing like a weed and we love having him twice a week.  He has his mom's great smile and his dad's HUGE head and hands.  He smiles all the time and farts like a college kid.

THORNS:

The snow is starting to melt, revealing gross poopie snow.  Gross.  If I see grass, I better see my bulbs coming up and I know thats not happening for several weeks.

Week 28 of pregnancy = the pee hath arrived.  Its like I have a freakin' bladder infection.

We can't agree on a baby name.  Any suggestions that are non-strippery are welcome.

Beau learned how to climb on top of Carrie and Dave's dining table and do Riverdance.  For all you Irish dancing fans out there, Michael Flatley is a professional and Shep isn't.  It was cute for .0004 seconds, then not cute when he dumped out an entire can of pop in the midst of his jig.

Anxiety is beginning to rear its ugly head, when I thought I was rid of it a few years ago.  For my loyal readers, I've worked very hard at conquering my situational anxiety through therapy and at times, medication.  I pride myself on having learned proper and effective coping skills to deal with this gross thing-- I think being pregnant is causing it.  I wish I could put on my running shoes and a regular sized sports bra and go running.  Problem solved.  Not gonna happen now.  Until then, I'll just lay in bed at night and worry.

These boots are made for walking

and tackling "da"

I posted something on Facebook that Ive been stewing over.  It was something along the lines of "why can't I adopt the mantra of not give a shit…."  Why do I let other people affect how I feel.  I'm a bit jealous of those special people that literally, don't give a shit what others think.  Do they just turn it off? Or, do they really care but ACT extremely well?  The past few months I've been giving a shit too much and its affecting me and my general well-being.  I suppose this is my mother in me-- she has a bleeding heart; always thinking of others…. maybe too much.  Whereas my dad is good at keeping things black and white.  On or off;  no in between.

I respect how others view the world, even when they're wrong.  Haha.  I normally can keep an even keel and let them be ignorant.  Lately, I just can't keep my big mouth shut.  Is life better when you're ignorant?  Is it more blissful if you walk around with a fucking bag on your head and have no perspective?

On a funnier note, I've been craving candy at night time.  So weird.  I can pass on candy.  But something about the Valentine's Day Sweetarts sound sooo good.  You know-- the shiny ones?  I need to find some.  Now.