Chicken and Waffles

I flew home from Buffalo last night and while on the plane, I had to listen to the woman behind me talk about chicken and waffles.  That's right.  90 minutes of chicken and waffles.  Butter, syrup, a side of mashed potatoes, collard greens and an icy glass of orange pop.  I think it's fair to make the following assessment:  she doesn't watch Top Chef Masters.


I have been on the road since April of 2009 I would like to share some helpful hints for all you travelers out there.

1.)  Going through security at every airport in the US, one must take their shoes off.  No exceptions.  This is directed to the dumb bitch at the Buffalo Airport complaining of having her feet touch the "actual floor of the gross, dirty airport."  Really?  Maybe her head was up her own ass when 9/11 hit.

2.)  "Carry-on" bags does not equal 80 ton duffle bag fit for a 45 day stay in Morocco.
  So when the flight attendant asks you to check your 198 lb bag, don't get pissed.

3.)  A 2 hour flight is not the ideal time to try out your newest perfume.


4.)  When in a new airport (one you're not familiar with) try to walk, loiter, meander along the sides of the walkways.  Standing and staring into space in the middle of a busy corridor will get you punched.


5.)  If you happen to be sitting next to someone with their eyes closed, hands gently placed in lap, book turned over (not being read) and the shade pulled down, chances are they are sleeping.  Since this person is more than likely sleeping, tapping them on the shoulder to ask where they're from is inappropriate.