Can someone please explain to me how Twitter works?  I don't get it.  My sister said someone "tweeted" her.  What does that mean exactly?

Beau got his first dose of hair pro-duct this morning, compliments of Auntie Colie (aka Nicole our neighbor).  First, she wet Beau's weave with water then slapped on some manipulative shit that allowed his hair to reach new lengths.  It was awesome.  Plus, Beau was rocking' his Hooters hoodie…. so all together, he looked like a whitetrash pedophile who loves Whitesnake.  #ilovetawnie

I was told today that I have a big butt.  Well, no shit Sherlock.  Being pregnant and hating being pregnant (no offense), hearing those words hurt my feelings.  I may just end up with an eating disorder post birth.

I foolishly watched the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Dipshits last night.  What the hell was I thinking?  I forgot how much I dislike the way the Kardashians talk; like they're chewing they're faces. Kourtney is the worst at face chewing-- dipshits.

I'm going to take a page from my friend KKR and do a "Roses and Thorns" piece…… or Bret Michaels, whichever way you want to see it.

ROSES:

Chris and I went to Fort Wayne this weekend to see Carrie, Dave and my parents.  Beau and Greta love each other, so it was joyous to watch them interact and play.  Also, its nice having my folks back from Maui-- too bad they came back to a gazillion inches of snow and ice.  Sorry not sorry.

Kasia's cancer surgery went well.  Her mast cell tumor was completely removed (as well as the marginal area surrounding) and the lab results came back favorable.  So, for the next several days, she is rocking' a t-shirt to cover her many stitches (which run behind her right front leg and down into her armpit.  Poor unicorn.

The sun has been shining lately.  I call such days "Colorado Days."  Colorado Days make me miss my days in Crested Butte, when everything revolved around skiing, drinking Diet Coke, having fun and drinking copious amounts of Crested Butte Brewery's White Buffalo Ale. …. and listening to Wu Tang and Bob Seger.

Beau learned how to climb on top of Carrie and Dave's dining room table and do Riverdance.  (see Thorns)

An eBay find and shopping in Carrie's basement = all of the baby's room linens.  YES.  I was worried I was going to want to go and buy all new stuff.  No good when you're on a budget.  Her room will be a miss mash of white furniture, red gingham print and glittery bugs on her walls.  So excited.

Mason is growing like a weed and we love having him twice a week.  He has his mom's great smile and his dad's HUGE head and hands.  He smiles all the time and farts like a college kid.

THORNS:

The snow is starting to melt, revealing gross poopie snow.  Gross.  If I see grass, I better see my bulbs coming up and I know thats not happening for several weeks.

Week 28 of pregnancy = the pee hath arrived.  Its like I have a freakin' bladder infection.

We can't agree on a baby name.  Any suggestions that are non-strippery are welcome.

Beau learned how to climb on top of Carrie and Dave's dining table and do Riverdance.  For all you Irish dancing fans out there, Michael Flatley is a professional and Shep isn't.  It was cute for .0004 seconds, then not cute when he dumped out an entire can of pop in the midst of his jig.

Anxiety is beginning to rear its ugly head, when I thought I was rid of it a few years ago.  For my loyal readers, I've worked very hard at conquering my situational anxiety through therapy and at times, medication.  I pride myself on having learned proper and effective coping skills to deal with this gross thing-- I think being pregnant is causing it.  I wish I could put on my running shoes and a regular sized sports bra and go running.  Problem solved.  Not gonna happen now.  Until then, I'll just lay in bed at night and worry.

These boots are made for walking

and tackling "da"

I posted something on Facebook that Ive been stewing over.  It was something along the lines of "why can't I adopt the mantra of not give a shit…."  Why do I let other people affect how I feel.  I'm a bit jealous of those special people that literally, don't give a shit what others think.  Do they just turn it off? Or, do they really care but ACT extremely well?  The past few months I've been giving a shit too much and its affecting me and my general well-being.  I suppose this is my mother in me-- she has a bleeding heart; always thinking of others…. maybe too much.  Whereas my dad is good at keeping things black and white.  On or off;  no in between.

I respect how others view the world, even when they're wrong.  Haha.  I normally can keep an even keel and let them be ignorant.  Lately, I just can't keep my big mouth shut.  Is life better when you're ignorant?  Is it more blissful if you walk around with a fucking bag on your head and have no perspective?

On a funnier note, I've been craving candy at night time.  So weird.  I can pass on candy.  But something about the Valentine's Day Sweetarts sound sooo good.  You know-- the shiny ones?  I need to find some.  Now.

Here's something you've never heard me say:  I need to vent.  Topic of today's soapbox is privacy.

While I'm not a private person, I respect those that are.  Whether their motivation for privacy is well, privacy, or say….. to be spared of embarrassment/judgement…. I can dig that.  Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve.  I do.  In gets me in trouble most times.  There is something to be said keeping things close to the vest/chest (however the saying goes).

Going along with this privacy parade…..  said people shouldn't be pushed.  If they want to share aspects of their life, let them in due time.  If their voice is silenced and can't speak for themselves, that doesn't mean its go time to open the flood gates.  I'm being vague and while I'd like to open the flood gates, I just want to hammer the point that everyone deserves dignity.  If they like their lives kept private, so be it.

http://www.createajoyfullife.com

If you haven't checked out the above blog, please do so.  My friend Katie from high school authors the awesomeness and well, she does a nice job and makes me laugh.

Its cold.  Again.  I'm so down with winter…. growing up in Michigan and living in both Vermont and Colorado in my 20's, I appreciate the seasons.  You will never find me complaining about how spring can't come soon enough, blah blah blah.  Snow is pretty and white and makes everything look new and fresh.  Plus, every snowflake is different.  Wrap your head around that.  The ONLY challenge to winter, aside from not flicking off asshole drivers that don't know how to drive in snow, is finding things to do inside for FREE with an 18-month-old.

1.)  Beau has mastered YouTube on my iPhone.  Great.  I hear the itsy bitsy spider on loop all day long.  ALL DAY.  Why can't he watch Sammy Hagar videos on YouTube?  I'll teach him that tomorrow.

2.)  We hit up the local library last week.  Shockingly, Beau didn't break anything.  He literally ran up and down the deserted aisles making pterodactyl noises and snacked on fruit snacks ("yummies").  Two hours flew by like the wind AND he was wiped in time for his nap.  Rad.

3.)  COSTCO.  a.k.a. The Snack Zone.  Love.  I need not go into details.

4.)  Having a handful of neighbor kids always willing to come to our house and play.  Kick ass.  Ranging in age from 15 months to 6, Beau has plenty of rolldawgs willing to come and chill at our house.  As long as I'm stocked on cheese sticks, juice boxes, yummies, poppycornies and pretzels, we are all good.  Plus, his little girlfriend Katelyn (aka "Kukla" which means darling in Greek) and Beau practice ewok speaking while on said visits.

I'm officially fat.  Huge.  I no longer look like I had too much casserole at Christmas.  Baby Willis moves all day long.  Very active…. maybe a future Olympian?  I'd love two kids that can master the downhill at Lillehammer or Chemonix.  I don't want to pay for said ski lessons however, able bodied individuals who can shred are well respected by most.

Kristy update:

If you haven't already, please google Kare4Kristy.  There is a giveforward.com page dedicated to her and all contributions are greatly appreciated.  She continues to make slow progress…..  I still have hope she will make a full recovery however, the road will be long.  Just as my friend KKR from createajoyfullife.com will write, life is precious.  Savor EVERY DAY with your loved ones and forgo the petty nonsense because it could change in a hot minute.

Beau had ear tube surgery yesterday.  I don't know the scientific name however, its behind us now and we can officially focus on perhaps, a life less intoxicated with antibiotics and yeast infections.  My poor unicorn prince.  He literally hasn't had a break from ear infections since the summer.  We were seeing a dipshit pediatrician for a while and she wouldn't write us a referral for an ENT…..  so script after script we kept going back.  Finally, I lost it.  I realized that she wasn't even giving Beau a full exam-- so I wrote her off and found a new doctor.  Thank God for Dr. Pertola.

We arrived at Hinsdale Hospital yesterday morning at 5:30.  Shep was quickly registered, got a sticker and his little unicorn hospital gown and we were on our way.  7 o'clock the anesthesiologist came in and gave Beau a drink of a relaxing medication.  He became a little noodle--and giggled.  We were then wheeled down to the OR and the nurses took him away.  I didn't cry.  SHOCK.  I was gearing myself up for that moment and nailed it.

10 minutes later, he was in recovery, crying hysterically (typical response to anesthesia) and swaddled in some blankets.  Eventually he had his milkies, a hand full of Cheerios, got new underpants and a change of clothes….  Then we went home.  He took a 3 hour nap and awoke pretty much back to normal.

I pray that he will be void of ear bullshit.  PRAY.

Beau needs tubes in his ears.  A no-brainer since he has had 6 ear infections since July.  The shit-for-brains pediatrician we were seeing before refused to write a referral for an ENT, so we just stood by while she wrote script after script……  followed by another script for yeast diaper rash medicine.  SO fucking frustrating.  Apparently treating the cause and not the symptoms is out the window these days.  My mother's intuition kicked in and decided we would switch pediatricians.  Thank you Jesus.

The new doctor was fantastic.  She did a hearing test on the spot, which he failed, and wrote us a lovely referral.  Soooo, we saw the ENT today and she recommended tubes.  Finally.  Perfect timing being that Beau has a rash literally covering 1/4 of his body from his last round of antibiotics.  I'm almost in tears and fed up that its come to this point.  I'm this close to writing a letter to the old pediatrician and telling her to get fucked…..  and to advise to take a step back and actually "see" her patients rather than writing a script and having a 2 minute conversation.  I get that there is monotony in medicine however, each person is different.  Case by case you dumb whore.

Perhaps today is just a day that I need to take a step back….  I need a babysitter for 2 hours to collect myself and not punch someone in the face.  You know when that lump sits in your throat and you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown?  Thats me….. minus a margarita.

Beau has two new obsessions:  Mickey Mouse and poppycornies.  We watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse everyday (cue picking up his toy Mickey Mouse) followed by a trip to the pantry for poppycornies.  Two things which I should avoid.  

Strangely, I like being opinionated.  People that don't have opinions or pretend they don't have opinions  piss me off.  Stand for something.  Use the voice God gave you.  Though my voice is "loud" literally and figuratively, I think I know when to keep the old lips pursed.  Example-- don't share your shit when you know you may offend someone UNLESS you want to start an argument.  #2  Don't open up your yap if you KNOW damn well it'll burn a bridge.  Sometimes it is best to shut thy trap and move on.

What do I get on my soapbox about, you ask?  Birth plans and how stupid they are, Rush Limbaugh and how he is a fucking bigot sexist pig drug addict, how gay marriage is not only acceptable but should be a God given right (like voting)…….  how people with animal cruelty charges should be punished in the same court of law as if they were harming a human…..  that about wraps it up.

Time.  Time is a messed up thing.  There is never enough of it...... or too much of it.  Some days CRAWL by (yesterday) while others whip by in a flash.  Time sometimes heals; time sometimes hurts. Its a bitch I tell ya.

While time continues to go by, nothing while everything changes.  Beau is growing, my belly continues to grow...... everyday is the same though.  Then, when you look back, things have changed without even realizing it.  Its like a bad episode/segment of Alice in Wonderland.

For those not tuned into "the book," we are having a girl in May.  Cray.  Never thought I'd be the mom of a daughter.  What do I do with her?  I hope she is free spirited and strong, polite, athletic, articulate, curious and doesn't believe everything she reads......  which is the perfect segway to a new pet peeve of mine.

People that believe everything they read/hear on the radio piss me off.  Haven't we learned enough from media that you can't believe everything?  Its like we are a society of suckers.  I know a few of these suckas--  it all starts with a "I heard the other day that Obama is a terrorist.  In fact, he doesn't have a birth certificate."  Really?!?  (in complete sarcastic tone) Our president doesn't have proof of birth and works for Al Quaeda.  Fact.  Come on people.  Another fact of hearsay:  "I heard that smoking is actually good for you."  Really.  Thats a good one.  Moron.

If I read something that is thought provoking, I always follow up with additional research.  Just out of curiosity... I want to know where such info stems from.  If only everyone were like this.

Now that the polar vortex is gone, I dont know how people live in frigid parts of the world.  Parts of northern Canada, Siberia, etc..... how do they stay warm?  What are their utility bills like?  Holy shit.  I literally didn't leave my house for 4 days.  It sucked.  Beau and I were sick of looking at one another.

And we are buried..... not really.  And of course..... our snowmobiles are in a million pieces.

Lots happening around here:

-drippy noses
-LOTS of laundry to fold
-snow to shovel
-a guest room that needs to be cleaned out


In other news, I'm trying to transition Beau from two naps to one.  Hard.  We do well until about 10-10:30, then the wheels blow off.  Chris' cousin told me that EVERYTHING with a kid is a phase.  So, as I want to punch myself in the face, I'm going to chant THIS IS ONLY A PHASE.  Until then, bedtime kinda sucks.  Normally he is up at 6, down at 9 (til about 10:30), then down again at 1:30 (until 3) and bedtime at 7-7:30.  Thats all out the window.

We find out today (during a snowstorm) the gender of the baby.  I'm super pumped and stumped.  I have no idea what it is; not one iota.

I'm getting really fed up with people (in general conversation amongst acquaintances) talking about Obamacare.  This falls into the "political" category and thus, off limits.  Don't people know its really bad manners to discuss this in mixed company.  I am not Emily Post.  I say fuck all the time however, I do know NOT to talk about politics and religion openly-- you never know who you may offend, etc.  So, take my message to heart.  Lock it up.

Christmas 2013 hath come and gone and I'm sad.  In the weeks to come, decorations will come down (my house won't look as festive and cheerful) and the winter yuckies will set in.  Since winter came earlier than usual this year, I have a sneaking suspicion that it will linger WAY into April.  Let's clarify:  I lerv winter and snow and cold..... but I don't love it at the end of March.

Beau didn't really get a handle on Santa Claus, so maybe next year he will grasp the concept.  I can confirm however, that he LOVES sparkles and all things that fill the holiday shelves at Hobby Lobby.  The sparklier the better.  Look out Liberace.


New Years resolutions:  Make them?  Does a clean slate really exist at the turn of the calendar?  Perhaps I should renew the yearly vow to stop swearing.  I usually fail within 2 hours.  I have succeeded in 2 resolutions....... I stopped biting my nails and drinking pop; two very difficult habits.

We find out what we are having on January 2nd.  That day can't come fast enough.  Girl?  Boy?  NO CLUE.