Level the Playing Ice

Not good..... not good at all.  The Detroit Red Wings are officially down 0-3 in Round Two of the Stanley Cup playoffs.  Getting beat by San Jose the past three games has been nothing short of embarassing.  With such a stellar lineup of heavy hitting, seasoned and talented players, the Red Wings are really going to have to "come correct" (as NeNe Leakes would say) tonight.  Enough of the tippy tappy dicking around.  Time to strap on your most supportive sports bra, lace up the big boy skates and gird up the ole loins.


The biggest reason I want Detroit to pull off the next 4 games victoriously is because they will then face Vancouver.  The Canucks are to hockey as skunks are to newly bathed puppies.  Stinky, vicious and all-things-cheap, Vancouver is the largest sack of bs I've ever seen.  Yes, every team has a hack or two; not Vancouver.  5/6 of the Canucks bench throw elbows, high stick and cry when the whistle blows.


Modano may be in the lineup tonight.  Back from a three month injury hiatus, Mike Modano could be the one thing Detroit needs to tighten shit up.  And, since he is married to one-hit-wonder Willa Ford, that should give him extra bravery and courage.


Baby Jesus, please look after the Motor City Awesomeness and guide them to victory.  Love, Jennie.

Conspiracy Theory

Because Chris' mom is working on Mother's Day (a dirty shame) as well as his sister and brother-in-law, we celebrated Dia de Madre early.  I planned a lovely menu, at the last minute might I add, and executed flawlessly.

I had to hit up the grocery store after work because I don't usually stock a half dozen ribeyes in my fridge on a daily basis.  Strawberries, pinot grigio and bleu cheese were a few other items I needed to pick up.  So, I'm cruising through Dominick's minding my own beeswax, being ever-so efficient so I can "get in, get out."  I approach the check-out with hopes of getting the good checker-outer named James; James has a wonky eye and smells like gin and Sex Panther cologne BUT he can ring you up in .3 seconds flat and doesn't dick around.


Turns out that James is in fact in Aisle #1, ready to "get it on" but was (before my eyes) relieved for break as I began to put things on the conveyor belt.  Dammit.  In his place....... JANICE.  Shit.  Janice sucks at being a cashier.  Aside from the fact that she has several pieces of kitty cat flair, Janice has super long gross fingernails and doesn't appear to wash her hair.

Janice is also slower than a one-legged dog in the bagging department.

Now pressed for time, I quickly unload the groceries to be scanned, swiftly move to where the bags are and start getting to work.  No small talk with Janice.  No time.  Plus, I hate cats and the smell of garage.

After that shitshow, I had to jet home, get the potatoes in the oven for roasting and clean the house.  Good thing Chris helped by doing nothing.  Awesome.

Everything turned out great.  Chris' mom and siblings loved dinner.  Mission accomplished.

On a twisted note, I heard on the radio today that there are f-ed up people in the world that think 9/11 didn't happen.  I am going to assume that said people can also be thrown into the category of "People That Think There Was No Holocaust."  Were there free lobotomies given at Wal-Mart several years ago?  Do these ignorant beings not read the newspaper, listen to the radio or breathe?  I mean, Rush Limfuck doesn't even preach that such horrid events didn't happen.


People that claim conspiracy on world changing events need to be punched and then educated.

Hat Full of Hammers

Lots of things in the pipeline.  Lots of activities and "happenings" in the mix.  Little time for pipeline control.

Carrie and Dave came up from Bloomington, IN (home of the Hoosiers, not to be confused with "hosers) to hit up a wedding.  Between the rehearsal dinner and Irish-style wedding ceremony, we were all able to fit in two trips to the dog park, brunch with Adrienne and Aaron and a lovely walking tour of Oak Park (to see some Frank Lloyd Wright homes).  The fact that the weather cooperated was an added bonus.

Our weekend guests arrived Friday afternoon, enthusiastically greeted by my four-legged princess, Kasia.  Stuffed cat in mouth and groaning loudly to noises only likened to that of a gaggle of Ewoks, Kasia was very excited to see her aunt and uncle.  They were to be sleeping in the guest room, a.k.a. Kasia's room, so I wasn't too certain of how comfortable or how soundly they would be able to sleep.  (My estimates were right; Kasia went into the guest room while Dave and Carrie slept every hour, on the hour, with toys in her mouth ready to play.)

I woke up early on Saturday to make breakfast for the boarders and get a game plan together for the rest of the weekend.  The only thing pressing on my To-Do List was "dog park."


So, the whole crew hit up the dog park (please notice Kasia in the background, gliding ever so effortlessly across the grassy savannah).  Kasia' best friend Spencer was there, so they played and became very tired.  Spencer is a 20-lb. (or so) Shiba Inu/beagle mix with lots of energy and soft ears; Kasia and Spencer wrestle every time they see one another and at the end of the rough housing, they are both covered in spit, grass and other fluids.

All in all, it was a kick-ass weekend.  I'm super excited for baby Greta to emerge from Carrie's baby apartment-- I just hope she is super smooshy and fat with a sweet baby mohawk.


On a less happy note, I spent Monday in Detroit visiting my terminally ill godfather.  Pepe and I met around lunchtime and drove over to Windsor to see Uncle Frank.  I have only met Frank one other time, so I was nervous in not knowing what to expect. 

Fortunately, Frank was awake and happy to see us!  Although very sick, Frank hasn't lost his witty sense of humor.  Pepe (my paternal grandfather) and Frank looked over childhood pictures and shared some laughs about the old neighborhood. 

Pepe and Frank are two of seven children.  Along with Roger, Miriam, Maxine, Rosalie and Jeannette, the Monforton Crew had a typical childhood in southern Ontario.  They attended French school and were brought up strictly Catholic by French Canadian parents.  Their neighborhood consisted of mostly Italian immigrants and French families-- Pepe said that front doors were left unlocked and children's bicycles riddled the sidewalks. 

Listening to the stories of how things "used to be" was very compelling-- Back then, Detroit and Windsor were a kick-ass cities.  Fancy restaurants, large riverboats traveling along the water, live music playing in jazz clubs.... the good old days.  Now, Detroit is kind of crappy looking.  Actually, Detroit is a beautiful gem with some dirt on it; it just needs a little spiffing up and it'll be shiny again.


It was sad to say goodbye to Uncle Frank.  I don't think he is going to be here on Earth much longer.  Rather, I hope his trip to Heaven is effortless and delightful.  Frank is a stellar guy with lots of people that love him.

Bananas

Wedding day hath arrived.  Yippee.  I must admit that Miss Kate looked smashing in her wedding dress.  Absolutely fab.  After viewing the peoplemagazine.com pictures of the royal couple I was concerned I'd have feelings of remorse regarding the dress I had purchased for my wedding.  Should I have gone with sleeves?  More lace?  A tiara perhaps?  No such luck; still like it.  Granted, I'm not 5'9 like Kate Middelton nor blessed with long hair, fine jewels and a future king for a spouse, I'm still pumped to throw on my frock.

I'd also like to mention the rad hats adorned by the lady guests of the royal wedding.  I wonder if American women wore hats for special occassions such as weddings back in the day?  There is something very chic and classy about a lady in a fancy dress and a cool hat.


For the special day, I may just make a magic hat for Kasia to wear on our afternoon walk.