Uggs made of mud

It has been raining in "The Shy" for a few days now.  Our backyard looks like the coat of a mangy dog-- a few patches of grass here, several bald patches of mud there....  Chris' hard work trying to grow a healthy lawn has all been shot to hell.  What doesn't help the look of our outfield is Kasia's morning antics, usually involving SEVERAL laps, back and forth, all the while ripping up grass.  Post Kasia running finale, I will call her in and then spend the next 6-9 minutes wiping the caked layers of mud from her paws.

I'm "working from home" today, which really means working on my laptop while taking breaks to paint the new door molding.  As I read e-mails, I decided to turn on the "Teen Mom Season 3 Finale."  Holy shit.  I love this show however, I don't want anyone to translate me loving Teen Mom with me loving Amber.  One of the cast members is named Amber.  She is from Anderson, IN.  In a nutshell, she is trailer park straight up:

Fake nails with ridiculous decals/gems/danglies
Fake eyelashes that look like pieces of shag carpet
WAY too much eye makeup

There is nothing wrong with being from Anderson or living in a trailer park.  What is an issue is the lack of class.  Apparently she has 3 felonies and a misdemeanor for going toe-up with her on-again/off-again last season.  REALLY?  It's not hard to not punch and slap someone..... check that.... it is hard to not punch and/or slap annoying drivers on I-355 during rush hour.

I get that it is extremely challenging to raise a child as a single parent with limited funds and limited support.  What isn't challenging is maintaining a level of class and dignity.

A WEDDING UPDATE:  In several weeks Chris and I will be tying the knot.  I still don't have my dress.  I'm not too pleased with House of Brides.  I have tried calling, following up..... I haven't gotten one call, one e-mail, nothing.  Nada.  Ziltch.  Jeebus.  What am I suppose to do if I don't get my dress in time?  Keep in mind that I ordered it in March.  I need a Xanax.

"That's Not My Job"

It's Friday and I haven't blogged in a long time.  Sorry.  With the wedding coming in 8 weeks and a lovely visit from my twin and her little baby accordian (my niece), things have been nothing but hectic.  To paint the picture a little clearer, last night I found my strapless bra in the backyard by the gutter.  So, I can't even manage to keep tabs on my undergarments.  I need to get a grip.

Being Casual Friday in the office, apparently there was a memo that went out office-wide that casual ACTUALLY MEANS "look like a freakin' slob."  Perhaps people actually do forget to brush their hair?  I wouldn't DARE step into a public space without at least brushing my hair and my teeth...... now, well, my outfit choice would be somewhat questionable.

To ease the general feeling of crappiness in the office today (compiled with Freakin' Slob Day) I am headphoned and tuned into "Bread Radio" on Pandora.  Some may say this particular channel would be thrown into the dentist office category however, it helps drown out the unnecessary LOUD chatter over the cubicles.  It's always the same idiots talking loudly in the office-- I need a door or something.... or some old school ear plugs.

It's Tuesday, but really Monday

Apparently I did not get the memo that the morning was going to turn to shit.  I woke up and enjoyed an extra few minutes of ear-rubbing with Kasia.  With a healthy dose of dog hair in my eyes and mouth, I thought to myself, "It's going to be a good day."  Wrong.

Maybe I'm not cut-out to deal with certain things however, today's bullshit meter is running in overdrive.  The general public is dumb and I have been reminded for the 8,456th time.  I wonder if it's too late to drive home, slap on some sweatpants and resume ear rubbing?



To soothe my chapped ass, I ingested half of a bagel, which seems to be doing the trick.  With the wedding hovering just 2 months away, I need to do a gut/ass/fat check and keep my piehole shut.  If my random instant stomach explosions keep up, I should be good to go.



I think I need a daily dose of Greta Fat Pants.  She is soft, porky, has sweet hair and holding her is like taking a Xanax.



Mad for Plaid

When I'm bored at work, which isn't often, I cruise the internet looking for decorating ideas.  Our house is still a neutral palette with a significant amount of beige.  Chris and I have to paint all the rooms, including ceilings, finish hanging the crown molding, etc.  We did however, paint our bedroom a dark green shade.  Called Painted Turtle, it makes our roomy feel super cozy.

I like the look of traditional homes-- neutral tones with splashes of color here and there.  I tend to go back to blue and red.  I have a strong dislike for anything modern and contemporary, extending to furniture design.  Classic is the way to go; I don't want to look back at pictures and think "Why did I pick purple shag carpet?"

Perhaps this is the Libra in me (symbolized by a scale) and my like for many different things, I will at some point need to have a very large home which I could morph into a world of Ralph Lauren style decor.  Capturing the worlds of preppy, Americana and coastal, anything RL looks fab...... or as Rachel Zoe would say, "Died.  Love.  Isn't this bananas?"



Eventually, I want our home to be cozy and inviting..... the type of place where you want to take your shoes off and relax.

Fat and Carbs

Labor Day was a great day-- right up there with the birth of my little niecelet, Greta.  With no work, a One Tree Hill "Leyton" Marathon and a delightful 70 degrees on the thermometer..... the day kicked ass.  I dressed up for the occasion by sporting my most tapered pair of sweatpants, a sweet side ponytail and a ripped hoodie with paint and holes in it.  Because I typically spend my weekends running around like a mad woman; cooking, cleaning, running errands, chasing after Kasia and doing 78 loads of laundry, I wanted to celebrate the Day of Labor with doing nothing.  And eating carbs.  And napping.  2 naps.

I kicked off my 3-day weekend with a sleepover at the Abbey Resort in Lake Geneva.  Celebrating Kristy's up-and-coming nuptials, her maid of honor (Jen Awesome) threw together a lovely weekend.  Lovely quickly turned to drunk and fun, and partially black-out wasted however, it was super.  I drove up with Ashley and thank God...... I was still drunk when I awoke on Saturday, so she got the lucky job of driving home.  McDonald's would not have made any difference to my bodily state.  It was that bad.





Beatrix the squirrel-a-puss

I love and hate mornings, all at the same time.  The following is a list of reasons why I love the morning:

-Kasia's ears have been marinading in magical humidity all through the night, thus producing ultimate softness.
-It's not that hot out at 6 AM.
-Chris' farts are loud and not too smelly, which equals laughing.
-My one cup of coffee each day is ingested in the morning, which always tastes delicious
-After my shower, Kasia usually greets me at the bathroom door with a medley of treasures: her deer horn, a dirty sock, an empty toilet paper roll, a tube of wood glue, Beatrix the squirrel/octopus furry toy and my black high heel.



Reasons why I hate mornings:
-Work
-Driving to Itasca or the airport..... both suck
-The same music is played on 99.5 the country station.  Mix it up for Heaven's sake.  I want to hear Alabama.  (Alabama is awesome because they all wear sweet tinted glasses)



-People that don't know that the left lane is for driving fast need to pull over, turn off their cell phone, put down the tube of mascara and get checked.  "You've been checked, bitch!" -Tammy from Basketball Wives



-Upon arrival at the office, it's like "Dumb question hour."  For example, "So Jennie..... you're wearing all black today, huh?"  Yes dumbass.  All black.  Glad you're not colorblind.