Kayaking the Chattahoochie

Reporting live from the sickest Hampton Inn in all of North America.  Seriously.  Gross.  I'll put it to you this way:  all rooms access from outside.  Can you say RAPE?  As I was checking in, I did a quick perimeter glimpse (Ass-kickin' police chics do this on Dateline) to get some bearings.  After realizing there were no interior rooms (access from inside the hotel) I, in the most bitchy tone of voice I could muster, said "please tell me this is not an outdoor-access only hotel."

"Yes ma'am.  There are lots in the south."  Bullshit Andre, loser hotel manager with a horrible haircut. 

And so goes the inner monologue:

There is no fucking way that I would participate in any hotel perk situation involving outdoor-only access.  Can you say "MOTELS across from strip joints are outdoor access only?!?"  I can see my face plastered on the Chattanooga News in the morning....."Jennie Monforton of Woodridge, IL gets brutally beaten after homeless man kicks in hotel room door."  Awesome.

So, here I am; able to open my hotel room door and see the freakin' parking lot.  I think I'll just turn on Judge Judy, break open a bag of Cheetos and sip on a 32oz. Mountain Dew to celebrate my temporary dwellings.

On a happier note, my little niecelet will be hatched tomorrow!  Carrie is getting induced sometime in the morning and Greta will HOPEFULLY arrive in a non-vaginal tearing manner.  I trust that Carrie and Dave produced a chubby blonde wood nymph, complete with baby mohawk.

Also hitting the airwaves--- another season of Celebrity Rehab.  For all you reality show junkies out there, this show is like the creme de la creme of tv crap.  Not to mention, Dr. Drew is completely hot.  I have no idea who has been cast for this season of CR however, I hope and pray we can see a boy band has been, an overweight-once-hot model and of course, some sitcom star from the 80s.



Lots of good things to look forward to.  Speaking of looking, the anchormen on the Chattanooga News at 7 look like they're stuck in 1991.  True story.

To change directions for a minute, I would like to update my followers on the whole gluten-free wave I've been surfing.  I read a book a few months ago about the whole GF craze.  Completely skeptical, I gave the book's message a Mofo try.  11 pounds lost, no more stomach aches and ALOT less bloated.... I recommend going GF for at least 2 weeks to see how you feel.

Puppies 101 was on Saturday morning.  Kasia and I watched it.  I want another puppy..... actually, I want a whole gaggle of puppies.  All kinds.  All sizes.  All levels of softness.  Even though Kasia is 1 1/2 years old, she is still my little unicorn princess.  She will always be soft and nice and snuggly.