I have been pregnant for 281 days.  That is one day too long.  Today I have my 40 week check-up and I am requesting the doctor to pull the ole plug.  I'm done.  No more preggers.  I can't sleep, baby's foot is lodged in my right side (hurting my ribs) and I'm SO sick of peeing every 5 minutes.  I'm done and done.  Done.  Finished.

Let us not forget how terrified I am for what comes next.  Induction?  Terrified.  As unnatural as this sounds, I have no desire to experience giving birth.  Zero.  What do I do?  Oh wait..... punch me in the face and wake me when its over.  There you go.  In fact, I don't think there is enough puppies to hold in the world that could make me want to give birth.  I just don't want to be pregnant anymore.  This is definitely a problem.

To all my readers out there-- if I contact you because I had baby, please DO NOT post anything on facebook.  Chris and I would like the opportunity to share our news with you-- not the other way around.  So, please.... be considerate.  Thanks.

I'm a bad blogger.  I haven't posted any pictures in weeks.  Sorry.  The laptop we have right now is SUPER slow and I don't have the patience to do what it takes to add pics to my posts.

Kasia is sitting under my feet as I type.  In fact, one of her SOFT ears is "in-betwixt" my toes.  It feels heavenly.  Speaking of heavenly, the neighbors continue to foster two little puppies.  Thankfully, they allow joint custody, so I get the pleasure of at least 30 minutes of ear rubbing and singing Amazing Grace to them.  Their names are Little and Magic and they are nothing short of either.  Magic looks like a little wolf and Little is a blonde Chihuahua-lookin' thing.  Both were brought the Chudzik household with respitory infections, so their road has been nothing short of bumpy.  Once again, because of my ear rubbing and serenading, I take full responsibility for making them healthy. 

You want to know how small and smooshy said creatures are?  Put it this way-- They are 7 weeks old, have puppy breath and weigh about 6 lbs.  Holy shit.  Cute alert times 67.  Also, I'd like to add that they sleep at the drop of a hat.  Anywhere.  Cute.  Amazeballs.

No baby yet.  39 weeks and 4 days.  Lord let this baby be born soon so I can get relief from having to pee every 4 minutes.  Let's not forget that I'm terrified to give birth.  However, not having to pee like I have a UTI would be great.  Also, Lord, let my water break so I know when to go to the hospital.  And let it not break when I'm at Target or some weird place.

Shut Your F'in Mouth

I'd like to dedicate this post to all the hard working moms out there that simply, do the best they can.  I'm not a mom yet however, I know how hard it can be just holding down a job and juggling every day life.  Relationships and stresses make for some burly obstacles-- then when you throw children into the mix..... well, life can get nothing-short-of hairy. 

Something that I am tasked with every day is to try and be THANKFUL for what I have.... not what I am without.  I am thankful for my family, my health, my friends, a roof over my head and food on the table every night.  Something as simple as clean drinking water is another thing I'm thankful for.  Health insurance-- another good one I'm thankful for.

Truth be told, sometimes life can throw you a hardball....  ya know.... a real frozen rope right to the nuts.  You have 2 choices:  deal with it or run away.  Those that choose to deal with life's ups and downs are the winners.  Those that choose to run away/not deal with the reality of life can go piss up a rope as far as I'm concerned.  No matter how shitty you have it, someone else has it WAY worse.

Additionally, I'd like to also make mention of people out there that have all the time in the world to criticize.  I'm a believer in helping others..... picking them up when they are down...... not pushing them over.  If you aren't a supporter of being a good samaritan, you should move elsewhere.... or go live off the grid. 

Moral to the story, you ask?  Try to walk in someone else's shoes.... or at least try and help them lace their shoes.  All else need not apply.

Tailored Suits and an Old Fashioned

I'm obsessed with Don Draper.  I feel like Jesus got me RIF'd at Hi-Cone so I could thus, relax on the couch and become enamored with "Mad Men."  Best. Show. Ever.  Forget about anything on the Dateline ID channel or Animal Cops Houston.  Mad Men by far and away is the alluring in the likeliness of heroin and Diet Coke.

What is my favorite thing about MM, you ask?  Ummmm the wardrobe..... duh.  I LERV how the ladies dressed back in the 60's.  Gorge tailored dresses, high heels, perfectly coiffed weaves and classic makeup.  Lerv. 

Additionally, as much as I love my husband, Don Draper is a fucking stud.  I bet his cologne smells good, too.  Since I'm an olfactory girl, smells are very importante.  No Drakkar for this guy, I'm sure DD rocks some delicious sniffies atop his already beguiling scent of hotness.

Underpants in the Neighbor's Yard

Yep.  Found a pair of my underpants in the neighbor's yard the other day.  Maternity undies.  Awesome.  For the passer-byer, the "draws" could've been someone's shed cover, the damn things are so big..... and BEIGE.  Gag me.  I'm counting the days until I can strap on my cuter undies (not whorish).  Ya know.... brightly colored and more fun.... less beige.

I'm assuming a certain black-therred, soft dog named Kasia is the culprit of the underwear heist.  She has a taste for things such as my underpants, my socks, my flip-flops.  You'd think that with all the attention I give her, such as endless ear rubs, doggie treats and car rides, that Kasia would be a little more appreciative.... but NO.  Underpants in the yard.  Take that for embarassing.

No baby yet.  I had my 38 week check-up yesterday.  No change, so I'll spare the details.  Baby Willis is due on August 12th, so if he doesn't arrive by then I will get induced.  Boo.  I'm anti-induction pre-due date.... which apparently is common nowadays.  Weird.  They call it due date for a reason.  Not to be confused with "ballpark date or sometime around this date."

So, hopefully, by 8/12, Baby W will have arrived.  I'm super nervous.  Not like nervous before I ran the Chicago Marathon..... like nervous might throw up nervous.  I have no clue what to expect despite reading books, listening to people's stories, etc.  I'm not nervous however, to bring him home or nurse..... just nervous to actually deliver him.  Shit.  I need a drink.

Speak Up

As you all know, I see my therapist every week.  Her name is Lori and she is awesome.  Not only a great listener, Lori offers great advice on how to handle/better equip oneself for life's sticky situations.  Also, Lori has candy in her office at all times.  Bonus feature.

Today in therapy Lori and I talked about speaking up and telling people how I feel.  Being a Libra (which is symbolized by the scales), I am absolutely conflicted by my "two sides."  In most cases, I have no problem telling people how I feel.  There are however, in certain cases...... delicate cases...... where I find myself sitting mum.  Not good. 

I am no longer going to apologize for who I am or what I stand for.  It has taken me a long time to get here..... 32 years of life experience has made me opinionated, strong and non-apologetic when it comes to certain issues.  I will never apologize for defending gay rights, the pro-choice vote, defending a family member (including my husband, friends, siblings and parents) or "doing the right thing."  I am not the person to sit by idle when someone is getting picked on..... when a dog is running stray in the neighborhood...... basically, the situations seen on "What Would You Do?"

Furthermore, I will not apologize to people who I have repeatedly extended myself to and received NOTHING in return.  Sorry doesn't exist in my vocab for people that are constantly stirring up trouble in my "circle."  Yes, I will always TRY and be diplomatic, extending a polite hello however, I will no longer be politically correct to those that really deserve my foot in their ass.

Moving on, its week 38 in the uterus.  Baby Willis is lacking space within, so I think.... HOPE.... that he is planning his exit strategy.  I'm super anxious to meet baby and see what he looks like....  I really, really want him to have my blue eyes with Chris' dark hair and LONG Mr. Snuffaluppagus eyelashes.  Additionally, if baby had Chris' cool and calm demeanor.... that would be a bonus.

Oatmeal Cookies

My life has completely changed and I don't even have a baby (yet).  What I did today:

4:30  Wake Up to baby grinding his foot/hand/whatever into my ribs

4:35   Relocate to couch

6:00   Wake Up to Kasia staring at me in the face (from .3 inches away) and wanting a potty break

6:15   Lay back down on couch and fall asleep

10:00 Wake Up for the second time feeling the worst cramps ever.  Awesome.

11:00  Take Kasia on a much needed walk with my kick-ass neighbor friend (Madi) and proceed to get dog shit all over my hand (after doing the right thing and picking up Kasia's turd with a torn poopie bag)

12:00 Shower

1:00 Post-up on couch/get up periodically to vacuum TV room, make oatmeal cookies, do a few loads of laundry, have more cramps and think about how much I need a haircut/color

5:05 Wish I was in labor

So that sums up my day.  I dont know how moms expecting multiples do it.  Getting OFF the couch causes me to break a sweat and breathe hard, and there is only one mammal in my loins.

I started setting daily goals such as "x" amounts of laundry, cleaning a bathroom, etc.  Tomorrow however, I will throw in a swim at The Kucia's house.  The Kucia's employ my husband and have a kick ass pool. 

Chris and I both got iPhones and I'm officially obsessed with FaceTime.  I can FT my sister and see GFP.....  Today GFP was picking tomatoes with her grammy.  So cute.  Apparently GFP fell on her head while running down the driveway.  Greta now has a nice little scratch on her head but it make her look like a badass, kind of like Beth from Dog The Bounty Hunter minus the HUGE boobs and taser gun.

Shit dawg.

I had my 37 week check-up this morning.  I should've known it was going to be an annoying day by wind of my wakeup.  Check that-- 4:45 AM.  Baby's foot/elbow/hand stuck in my right rib.  Not comfy.

So, I roll in to the doc's office.  By other blogs, you all know that I'm not a 100% fan of my ob(s).  Every time I go there, its something.  An attitude, a snarky remark, etc.  I get that all you make shit tons of money and answer the same questions over and over again however, a little kindness goes a long way.  Moving on.

The nurse tells me to remove my pants and underpants for an exam.  Sorry, gross.  I know.  The doctor comes in and we partake in stupid chit chat.  I tell her I had some more bleeding (normal for this late in the game), cramps almost every day and that I'm generally uncomfortable.  She basically tells me to deal with it and to fuck off.

Doc listened to baby's heartbeat (normal) and measured my stomach.  Baby is measuring a week behind schedule apparently.... another normal thing.  Good movement, whatever.  Then she goes.... "Are we doing an exam today?"  I was like, "I thought I had to do this every time I came in now?"  She said no and that is was OPTIONAL.  You mean to tell me that getting fisted was optional?   Awesome.  Bitch.

Long story short, I'm not dilated.  Nothing.  No change.  Same as week 20.  So annoying.  I thought SOME progress had been made.  No dice.

Let's talk about something more interesting and more worthy of my soapbox:  The Aurora, CO shooter situation.

People will get their hands on guns whether they are illegal or not.  People will also be crazy.  If you want to be in the grips of both guns and a heavy psychosis, point the gun at yourself and not others... let alone in a fucking movie theater.....  jee whiz.   The gentleman in custody/being charged with the crimes of killing 12 innocent people during a movie apparently likens himself to the Joker (from Batman).  Holy shit this world is out of control. 

I'm don't believe in the death penalty (mostly due in part to thinking that only God decides the fate of others) HOWEVER, if a family member/loved one fell victim to a horrible crime (such as rape, murder, etc) I would most likely feel as though the death penalty was justifiable.  Anyhoo.... I guess Colorado is seeking the death penalty for the Joker.  I'm not sure if the Joker has issued a statement concerning his recent choice to pick off several people howevever, if I were his attorney, I'd advise him to never speak again.  If he gets less than 4 life sentences, he is one lucky dog.

Chris and I had to make a run to Wal-Mart for a diaper tupperware thingy yesterday.  I've said it before and I'll say it again......  that place is like a funnel of awesomeness.  Put on your Sunday best people 'cause its time to hit up Wal-Mart.  Talk about front asses of all shapes and sizes...  I felt HOT walking in there.  I mean, wedding day hot..... and I'm 9 months pregnant.

All things considered, I only cried for 10 minutes today.  The weight of being unemployed and not anywhere close to giving birth annoyed the shit out of me this afternoon.  I could sum this up with a quick, swift What The Fuck.

Ahhhhh FREAK OUT (like the song)

I officially had a mental freak out moment/hour last night.  Chris and I went up to see the Reavis' (Bill, April and baby Emma stinkerface) in Arlington Heights.  After a lovely Giordano's pizza and a few episodes of Mountain Men, we headed home.  Heading south on I-355, I suddenly got this horrible "butterflies in my stomach" type feeling-- all too familiar with my history of anxiety.  Shit.  Here it comes.

Circulating around in my cranium was "What the fuck am I doing?"  I'm having a baby in roughly 3 weeks, I just lost my job..... what the fuck am I doing.  How did I get here?  We just got married.  We just bought a house.  We just bought a new car.  Holy hell.  I don't know how to nurse or pop a kid out.  Holy shit.  All the while, Chris is playing with the radio and trying to figure out the CD player.....  That is SO us.  Forget about the deep breaths and positive thoughts......  I started sweating profusely.

Thankfully, the butterflies/moths subsided and I EVENTUALLY fell asleep.  I wish I had about 25 Xanax.  Truth be told, I'm glad I can now get through episodes of panic-- whereas before, I would've started to cry and isolated myself.  No joke, anxiety is super shitty thing to have plaguing your life.... it comes and goes as it pleases and can pretty much mess up any situation.

I keep telling myself that everything will work out.  I don't know if its my ego, my insecurities or my general being however, I shoulder entirely too much.  I worry about details that are ridiculous.  Yesterday I stressed for about 45 minutes -- the reason?  I felt bad because Kasia hadn't gotten any exercise. 

I am too hard on myself.  I deconstruct every possible thing, whether its under my control or not.  I am hoping to God that once baby comes, I'll be able to put aside trivial shit and focus on him.

Oh... one last thing.... I was reminded the other day that a person can't reason with stupid.  It's a fact.  Live it and love it.

Prilosec OTC

Prilosec OTC has saved my life.  Not Jesus, not some support group........ a measily heartburn/antacid medication.  Tums is a joke.  I'm writing a letter to the company complaining about how their product doesn't work. 

I had my 36 week check-up/Strep B test yesterday.  When Dr. Gallo asked how things were going (and referenced my HORRIBLE heartburn), he said that he should've warned me not to even mess with lightweight shit such as Tums.  NOTE:  Before I got pregnant I suffered from awful heartburn/acid/food allergy issues.  This is not new news.  Then, I took actual medication.....  Now, being with calf, I thought Tums would be the safer route.  So, take this as a lesson.... Go for the Zantac or Prilosec... the big guns. 

It's too hot to enjoy the dog park.  Poor Kasia.  She has officially figured out that mommy doesn't go to work every morning, and thus, every day is a dog park day.  No sir.  When the thermometer reads 88 at 9 AM = no dog park.  In fact, 88 = don't do anything outside.  I'm so over this heat.  Granted, if the heat was accompanied by rain, it would be a different story.

It is day whatever of my unemployment.  I'm somewhat enjoying this change of pace however, things are harder to enjoy when there is a huge mass sitting in the front of your body.  It took me 30 minutes to Swiffer the kitchen floor today.  Normally, it takes about 10 minutes.  I was also breathing hard.  Who knew that a light cleaning = cardio? 

Lake Barren, MI

Chris and I had the opportunity to go "Up North," which for you non-Michiganders means to leave your usual dwellings and go to another part of Michigan even if its not in a northerly direction.  Brent Grember invited us to his parent's cottage on Lake Barren, which is just outside of Niles, MI.  A lovely retreat from Woodridge, we had an awesome time. 

The weather was perfect and the company was even better.  Despite being 36 weeks pregnant and definitely a sight for sore eyes in a maternity bathing suit, a.k.a boat tarp, and unable to ingest copious amounts of alcohol, I had a great time.  We laughed, busted eachother's balls and blew off explosives.  It really does not get any better than that.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kasia had a sleepover babysitter.  Mia lives across the street and is  going to be a sophomore at Downers North High School.  I trust Mia with my life-- so naturally, it made sense to propose her to watch Kasia.  I didn't want the dog just moping around the house for two days....  So, Mia was at the house watching television, rubbing Kasia's ears and playing the inside/outside game. 

On the way back from the lake, Chris and I pretty much made up our minds to get a new car.  Newly unemployed and expecting child any time, the F-250 with a lift is no longer ideal for transporting a car seat.  The truck is literally enormous and sucks in terms of being gas efficient.  So, we are exploring the idea of new car.  Any ideas?  We like anything foreign-- since they are most highly scored on the reliability scale for used cars......  4Runner?  Sequoia?  Tourag?  We are open to suggestions.