I've probably blogged about this before however, I am a stickler for protocol.  I like rules; rules are put in place to keep order.  If a pediatrician office has hours posted as 9-5, the office phone should ring and someone should pick up, so you can schedule an appointment.  The answering service admin shouldn't answer the phone and tell you the doctor won't be in until "10-ish, I think."  What the fuck is that?  Additionally, said office should have a professional office staff.... i.e., person behind a desk that can address any questions you may have about future appointments, co-pays, etc......  NOT have an attitude and be on the phone bitching about her boyfriend's partying habits/facebook pictures to a friend.  SO ANNOYED.  I can't wait until I get a real job and pick my own damn doctor and have better insurance.

Now, I am stuck with a sick kid that needs to see a doctor this morning, but can't because the doctor won't be in until 10-ish, I think.  SO fucking mad.  I do not recommend Pediatrics of Woodridge.

It's Chris' birthday today.  I wanted to get him something nice but can't because we are on a tight budget.  So, I got him golf club head covers.  Blackhawks covers.  Not my first choice, but he liked them.... or pretended to, at least.

Two words:  Mad Men.  I'm addicted.  Lerv.  Netflix just came out with Season Five and I couldn't be happier.  Jessica Pare's wardrobe is amaze in a 60s kind of way and Don Draper continues to be the biggest stuff ever.  Don Draper makes Ragnar from Vikings look like an old lady; stylish, demure, somewhat of a prick, sultry, cunning..... a sexy minx.  And let me tell you, Ragnar is no slouch.

Tomorrow is another interview.  I haven't even given it a thought until this minute.  Of course, I have like, nothing to wear.  I have a closet full of clothes waiting for me when I'm 20 pounds thinner.  Spanx aren't even my friend right now.

The Human Rights Campaign asked gay marriage supporters to paint the town red today, so to show my support I am wearing my red Stowe long sleeved t-shirt.  Like any other freedom in America, I don't get all the bullshit with the hold-up on fulfilling the term "equal rights."  For Heaven's sake-- there are PLENTY of heterosexual a-holes out there getting hitched, lets turn another page and open that freedom up to ANYONE.  Its like saying "only people with blonde hair can buy coffee at Dunkin Donuts."  SO NOT FAIR.

Lets be honest.  America would kick so much more ass if birth control were free and LBGT people could get hitched.

Due to a general lack of funds, I am in a decor rut.  Normally, I'll buy one or two items a month (chochkies) for the house.  I daydream ALOT about what our future nest will look like-- if you saw my Pinterest board you would easily figure out my style.  BUT, until I get a job/win the lottery, I'm stuck.  

I need to mix it up-- spring is coming and I need a change.  Any of my followers out there ever use wall decals?  I'm thinking of ordering one on Etsy that resembles a large tree or a series of trees.  I love nature, especially trees.

The groves were God's first temples.  ~William Cullen Bryant, "A Forest Hymn

Also, I'm needing some picture inspiration.  When we moved into the house, the staging company left a few pics-- a Tuscan countryside, etc.  Not my cup of tea.  I'd love to purchase some original art however, the lack of funds is hindering that from happening.  I guess I could get some pics of Beau printed and framed....  

Perhaps I should clean what I have and just be thankful we have a home to live in.

Can we just do away with any Kim Kardashian tabloid crap?  I'm so over her pregnancy news-- no one cares.  I wonder what her plan is going to be when she is 41 weeks preggo and trying to wear 5 inch heels?  OR, when she tries to Crisco herself into a leather skirt postpartum?  I watched the latest episode of "Kourtney and Kim Take Miami" and Kim was going on and on about how style is so important.  Really?  Is it really important?  Is it REALLY her JOB to look chic all the time?  Wait.  What is her job?  Discuss.

I don't know if its the winter blues or general lack of sunshine and things to look forward to however, I'm ready to punch mostly everyone in the face.

Chris' "birthday" party was Friday night and the turn-out was fab.  I wanted to celebrate everyone who had a March birthday-- and their are lots in our circles of friends.  Good times.  I drank 3 beers.  We got home at 1:15.  Holy shit was I exhausted in the morning, not to mention hungover.  Wait.... it gets better.

We went to lunch Saturday with Nate and Susanne.  Everyone enjoyed burgers from the York Tavern in Hinsdale.  Not 30 minutes later, I started to feel really crummy.  Super bad stomach ache, nausea, yuck.  By 6 PM I had the cold sweats.  8 PM I was barfing my brains out.  See ya later hamburger.

So, after a night of barfing, and the following morning experiencing other stomach flu related activities, I AM FINALLY feeling better.  Holy shit.  The suckyest part is that Saturdays are my cleaning days-- Chris is home and can take care of the baby while I get things back in order.  With Saturday gone and today almost over, the house is in the shambles and the laundry pile is huge.  Great.

Shep is a big boy now and enjoying bathies in the actual bathtub-- not in the kitchen sink.   Not good.  This means he is growing.  I don't like it one bit.  I know some people say the bath rings are not safe however, Shep is the squirreliest 7 month old in the world and would literally flip himself out of any bathing apparatus.  So, short of rubber bungee cords, the bath ring is what we are using to clean the child.  Plus, Beau is so stinkin' cute when he plays in the tub.  I want to eat him.

What the #$%#^&

Why can't people just be nice and fucking respectful?  Too much to ask apparently.  Let's move on.

Beau had his spring photo sesh last weekend.  Chris was hungover, so I flew solo to his first modeling gig.  Yeah right.  A friend of a friend (AVH Photography on Facebook) suggested some pictures with Anne-- good decision on my behalf.  Below are some of the pics:

I love the one of me and Shep holding the baby chick.  He was trying to monkey his way around the chick, become it if you will.  I want to eat both (Beau and the chick) of the stinkers because they are filled with porkies, peanut butter, smooshie and goodness.  Also, take note of Beau's beau hawk (naming rights go to a Miss Randi Tolentino)  I'm a proud mammal momma because he did really well.  Beau smiled a lot but slightly lost it when he hit the rabbit and it hopped away.  No me gusta rabbits, I guess.

I had a crying fit this morning (as you can probably guess from my opening lines).  Some people just piss me off to no end and I have no idea why I let them get the best of me.  The self centered, narcissistic shit can annoy me to no end; I have NO tolerance for it.  Yes people-- though some may think you're the center of the universe.  You're not.

I have been challenged by a loyal reader (Katie of http://www.createajoyfullife.com/) to write 5 random facts about myself.  I don't even know where to begin because I think I'm the most random person ever.

Here goes:

1.  Though I appear head strong, confident, self assured, blah, blah.... I'm actually very insecure.  I doubt myself all the time.  I get buyer's remorse at the drop of a hat when I buy something as silly as a pack of gum.  (inner dialogue: "I shouldn't be buying that.  Instead I should just save my money")  My husband rarely compliments me but when he does, I love it.  I need to hear that I'm doing a good job, that I'm a good mom, etc.  I know.  Lame.  I guess I'm a good actress..... keep thinking I'm strong people.

2.  I think I should've gone to medical school.  I love anything having to do with anatomy, medicine, surgery, facts about medicine, etc.  I can retain almost anything having to do with all things medical.  Weird-- because I barely know how to do basic math.  I gag when I smell really bad farts, so I don't know how well I'd do cleaning bed pans.

3.  I may be capable as a medium.  My mom tells me all the time how intuitive I am with people/strangers.  She had an aunt that was very intuitive-- maybe its genetic?  I'd love to learn how to "open the window" as they say; channel my inner eye.  I dream VERY vividly about people I haven't met and once, I had a dream that played out in real life (a horrible car accident involving a friend).

4.  All food agrees with me, except Liquid Smoke.  I despise anything faux having to do with food.  Sick.  If you're going to eat smoked food, it should be smoked and not saturated with something made in factory to make it taste like it had been smoked.  This piggy backs on my LOVE of all things barbecue -- pulled pork, ribs, corn on the cob, coleslaw, cajun.....  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.  For my birthday I want to serve cochon de lait and do a low country style bbq.  Delish.

5.  I don't believe in Hell.  Its not a place-- it doesn't exist.  "Hell" to me is when bad people die who feel no remorse for harming others/animals.  They don't get to go to Heaven-- they just get buried in the ground.  Everyone else gets a free ticket to whatever their Heaven may be.  Mine is similar to the lodge in "Legends of the Fall" with puppies running everywhere and cinnamon rolls and Diet Coke and yacht rock playing in the air and I have an amazing ass and my hair is super long and I can speak French.

I had my Kerry Flavors interview yesterday.  Located in Beloit, WI (just north of Rockford, IL across the WI line) I traveled 98 miles to get there.  Well worth it.  WELL worth it.  I got a call last night for a 2nd interview.  Great.  The 3 people I met with were nothing short of kind-- I wasn't nervous at all, which isn't typical in a 3 hour interview.  Fingers crossed the compensation is good.  If its not, forget it.

SO, there are some weddings coming up in the fall and I wanted to use this time to discuss a little matrimony 4-1-1:

YES, it is a big day.  Getting married is one of the biggest commitments in a lifetime, aside from having a baby or buying a house.  I take marriage very seriously-- it requires work every single day.  HENCE, why its called a sacrament.

YES, you want to celebrate said day with gusto.  Let us now logically think about the blessed day.  I don't care who you are, we've all been to a crummy wedding.  Normally, the crumminess stems from bad food or a bad DJ/Band.  YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.  That is the best piece of advice I can give.

Chris and I wanted our food to be bomb.  So, we looked and looked to ensure our guests could have an amaze balls culinary experience.  Did we succeed.  Hell yes.  WELL WORTH IT.  Granted, we had help from our parents to pull off our gala.

Everything else fell into place-- we paid good money for our photographer (another important valuable piece of the wedding day puzzle, since its the only real memory you have), DJ and flowers.  We wanted an inviting autumn celebration.  Our vision was fulfilled.

If you don't want to spend a lot of money, be realistic about the outcome.  Once again, you get what you pay for.  Also, it requires TIME to make all this happen.  Hence, typical engagements are a year long.  Its takes about a year to plan a wedding-- unless you have lots of free time, SUPER motivation, help and a rock solid budget/game plan to execute in a timely manner.

My dress was reasonably priced-- you only wear it once.  Our invitations were reasonably priced-- nothing super elaborate (like the invites to the wedding shower in "Bridesmaids").  We had tons of help from my MIL-- she made the runners for the tables, and as a florist-- she had access to everything at her flower shop.  She also nailed the centerpieces and the other flora-related items.  Pat also altered my dress (HUGE money saver), made my veil and my bolero-style jacket.  I was SO LUCKY to have her. Speaking of which, we made our menu cards, programs and gifts for guests.  There is money savings everywhere.

All of the things pictured above were made-- except the lanterns on the "king's style table" where the wedding party sat.  They came from Ikea for $7.  Pat bought the birch logs and Chris cut them, dug a hole out and we put a votive in them.  The runners were burlap.  So, my advice is to get creative and find the savings.

As I write this, there is a giant cup of chocolate ice cream with chunks of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  Fuck yeah.  I mean, err, heck yes.  Chris hooked my up with some word Coldstone last night.  Props to my life pardner.

Said comments does not coincide with what I'm about to discuss:

A few years ago I read a book called The China Study.  I HIGHLY recommend it.  GREAT READ.  For any of you medically-driven peeps out there (I am one), this book is like porn.  The Cliff Notes version is this:

Eat a plant based, meat/dairy-free diet.  Following said diet can help prevent a myriad of issues such as certain types of cancers, heart disease, diabetes, hypertension and obesity (to name a few).  Obviously, smoking and excessive drinking (a glass of wine here and there is acceptable) is out of the question...... duh.

*For those of you out there that are still smoking...... seriously, you need to stop.  Its a horribly disgusting habit and it smells like horse shit.  Worse off, when you smoke with other people in the car, especially children, its completely selfish and gross. *

This morning I watched a documentary called "Knives Over Forks."  This film reiterates the importance of following the China Study diet, i.e. plant-based.  Going vegan for most people is a long stretch.  I could do it if pulled pork was never invented.  Seriously.  I love veggies, fruit, beans and nuts enough to live on it for the rest of my life......  especially if it helped me stay healthy.

All this being said (as I make a giant circle motion with my hands), I want to shake these last 20 post prego pounds and feel better.  I deal with this horseshit hand/joint pain all the time....  perhaps I should take the China Study Challenge?  Who's with me?  In order for me to do this well, I think allowing meat once a week is a fair trade.  I'm curious to see how much better I'll feel.

One last point.  I'm starting to notice the effects of aging not only in myself but in my friends.  Woman age faster than men, in my opinion.  Its becoming very obvious to me that the ladies I know who are slaves to tanning/laying out religiously in the summer, as well as long time smokers who are starting to show signs of leathery skin.  I'm not saying I have the skin of an infant (all perfect, soft and perfectly toned) however, I am an avid sunscreen wearer.

Every day I wear SPF 30.  Winter, summer.... every day.  I seemed to have missed the memo to include my hands and chest.  Dammit.  So, while my face is ok in terms of sun protection, my hands and chest are looking quite yuckasaurus.  Cant-be-reversed-yuckasaurus.  If you aren't doing this, I suggest you do.  Any doctor (dermatologist or not) will advise this.  Botox and Restylane can only do so much.

Hmmmmm..... what else is on my mind?  Oh yes.  How could I forget.  The new Pope.  Great.  Though raised Catholic and confirmed, I don't abide by the church's long list of rules.  I hope the Vatican's PR team can saddle up and start preaching the word of tolerance and love.  If Jesus were here on Earth, wearing Sorel boots, I guarantee He'd be pretty pissed with the state of affairs.  All the nonsense regarding sexual misconduct in MANY religions is horseshit.  The anti-gay crap?  Yeah... he'd be pissed.  How about the old Golden Rule?  How about minding your P's and Q's and just being nice and honest and not a heroin-addicted prostitute?  Let's keep it simple people.

Am I the only person in the world that lay wide awake at night, wondering what in the heck my purpose is?  Do I continue to search (unsuccessfully) for that clutch job and fulfill my career woman aspirations?  Is my path to be a stay-at-home mom and work it as a domestic goddess?  The frustration and anxiety that goes along with this tumultuous thought process.........  Dammit all.

A year ago I was pregnant with Shep, working, hating my job and so-not-loving my expanding ass......  all the while, planning to return to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave.  Some people said to me "you won't want to go back to work," and things of that nature.  While on the other hand, a few working moms assured me that returning to work is just fine and that its perfectly normal and acceptable to WANT to go back to work.  I'm so over thinking about it.  I'm changing the subject this minute.

As much as I lerv winter and all of the magical white sparkly blanket it wraps us in, I'm kinda ready for spring.  I'm chomping at the bit to start gardening and working towards my dream yard..... DREAM being the operative word because my blockhead husband sees no value in landscaping..... i.e. planting flowers.  We live in a small ranch with a fenced in backyard.  Essentially, a blank slate.  In the front we have these HORRIBLE arborvites that = raccoon ladders to the roof.  They needed to go yesterday.  Every time I pull in the driveway I hallucinate for one moment and think to myself, "this place could be cute."  Then, I snap back into reality and realize we have gross arborvites.  Shit.

Its coming full circle.  Hear me out for a minute--  I need to work so the following things can happen:

1.)  Build our dream house
2.)  Plant my dream garden/flower beds
3.)  Host kick ass backyard parties where people stare in awe of my awesome landscaping
4.)  Since the landscaping is so nice, we never want to leave the house
5.)  We save money and a take a cool vacay every year to say, Sun Valley, ID and go skiing for a week

See my point?  Full circle.  I need to work.  I seemed to have forgotten that my dream home will have a Wolf range in the kitchen.

We just returned from the Mitten.  It was so nice to be home-- too short, but all things awesome.  I miss home.  I miss my parents and mostly, everything that is safe and familiar.  Of course, I can hand Beau off if necessary, too....  my mom will NEVER pass on holding Mr. Fat Smoosh.

The occasion for being in The Hills of Bloomfield was my grandfather's 86th birthday.  The family gathering was bittersweet-- its still a very new idea with my grandmother not there.  Pepe (pip-ee) had some nice words to share before blowing out his candles and of course, I cried.  I just love my grandfather because, primarily, he just kicks ass all around.  Caring, sensitive, pragmatic, loyal and honest, Pepe is just great.  You all should be jealous.

I seriously need to straighten up in terms of my nutrition and general health; it's catching up with me.  This may be overshot however, I'm going to go out on the limb here and assume that my junk food
ingesting is the culprit of the following items:

-fatigue
-general fat/enormous ass
-severe hand/joint pain  (holy shit its bad)
-crappy skin

With said items out there and acknowledged, I need to do something sir-rious to change.  I have no business eating processed food and gluten (my stomach literally turns into a giant pit of hot lava in seconds after eating Auntie Anne's pretzels and other various mall delicacies).  Since its a new day tomorrow (duh), I'm going to really jump on the wagon.  I'm going to drive the damn wagon while I'm at it.

In addition to wanting to fit into my pre-prego jeans, my friend recently broke her pelvis and can't run in a half marathon she signed up for.  I offered to give her money for the entry fee and run "for her."  Good idea?  YES.  Plus, I have an awesome jogging stroller.  As the Nike commercial says... "No excuses."  (ironic since Lance Armstrong was once sponsored by Nike and is a big flipping liar, a cheater and packed full of excuses....... so is Oscar Pestorius or whatever that dude's name is)

So-- if any of you are interested in being my cyber training buddy for a half marathon, I'm all in.  Lets strap on the sports bras and get it going (cue the theme song from "Flashdance")

We ended up getting 7-ish inches of snow.  Chris and I celebrated the new blanket of fluffy white awesomeness by driving up to Lake Geneva, WI and snowmobiling.  Pat, my kick ass MIL, happily babysat for Little Shep.  It was a great day -- not to mention, it was nice to get away without the baby.

And there you have it folks.  6 months of pork.  I can't believe how fast time has flown by.  On the 16th of this month, Shep will be 7 months old.  (cue tears)  I packed up some (more) of the clothes he has outgrown and I'm shocked.  When he was first hatched, his little porkie paws (uppers and lowers) was so tiny.  Now, he is a man child and wearing 9 month onesies.  Boo.

*Look at his 6 month pic-- can you see the pee filled diaper?  Holy crap.  Lots 'o' peeps in that one.

He is "sort of" sitting up-- assisted.  Beau loves when you hold him up (standing) and he holds onto things.  No crawling-- just lifting his fanny up like a frog.

I'm hoping to win the lottery soon, so I can buy new couches in our living room, a pair of new jeans and get a pedicure.  Speaking of rich people-- Airing on Bravo this very moment is the old episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County.  

Holy-bad-highlights.  

Lots of french manicures and chunky platform sandals.

I'm not saying I have the best taste however, I know that sweatpants NEVER go out of style because they were never in style.  (A good offense is a good defense is my motto when it comes to fashion.)

I'd like to dedicate this blog entry to Kimmie Sue Langemach Frye.  She is awesome and kick ass, too.

Beau awoke this morning to an incredible amount of boogers in his nose region and crazy phlegmy cough bullshit.  Normally, I'm not one to race to the doctor at the drop of a hat, especially for a cold however, poor Shep was miserable.  Key motivation?  Potential ear infection.  So, I packed up and off we went to the doctor.

We got the all clear.  Just a gross virus.  Poor puppy.  Not to mention, the second we walked in the door, Beau decided to blow out his underpants to the high Heavens and needed a sink bath stat.  No me gusta for all parties involved.

So, here we are.  Clean underpants and clean skin.  No more poopies in the armpits/neckline region........awaiting the 7-10 inches of snow that has been forecasted for Woodridge.  (fist pump)  I was scheduled for an interview in Beloit, WI tomorrow however, they are going to get hammered with snow, too.  Its no fun almost dying on your way to a job interview.  So, fingers crossed things get rescheduled sooner than later.

I read on Facebook that a friend of a friend passed away from cancer recently.  She was young and had lots of life left to live however, that sunnofabitch disease grabbed her and never let go.  Her husband wrote a beautiful poem about her and of course, I cried reading it.  I'm crying now just thinking about how he has lost his true love.  Heartbreaking.  Moral to the story?  Don't have regrets.  Live your life with all you got-- love with everything.....  live with everything.....  be a good friend..... be honest......  use the Golden Rule as your compass.  I know a few people that could use some "re-adjusting of the compass" a.k.a.,  a swift kick in the ass.

Shit.  Baby is crying.  Gotta jet.

PS-- our garbage man looks like Sammy Hagar which is beyond cool.

A few things to keep in mind:

1.  The word is suppose.  NOT supposeably.  WTF.

2.  It's Abercrombie NOT Ambercrombie.

3.  Chipotle.  NOT Chip-pole-tee.

4.  Yous guys doesn't make sense.  Period.

Beau has been sleeping for almost two hours.  Cray-cray.  His morning nap is normally 45 minutes.  Apparently all of the 90210 we watched this morning did him in.  Well.... that and a very runny nose.

I have a 2nd interview with a company in Beloit, WI.  I'm super excited but trying to remain calm.  The position I'm interviewing for has my name all over it.  While I love being at home with Little Shep, I miss adult conversation and accomplishing things during the day.  Moreover, I miss the financial flexibility that comes with two incomes.  Chris and I really want to build a home.  That will never happen if I don't go back to work.

5.  I'm huge on customer service.  Whether its shopping or dining out, I appreciate polite employees, etc.  While checking out at Buy Buy Baby yesterday, the sassy cashier was not only rude but having a loud conversation with another employee across 3 aisles.  I was trying to ask a question regarding coupons but since Miss Ahole was busy talking with someone else, I struck out.  Should I write a letter to corporate?  This is now my 2nd bad experience at that store.


Its Day Three of my Paleo kick.  I've been feeling very joint-sore, fatigued and allover yucky.  I read that cutting out starches and crap can help with the mentioned symptoms.  The big thing is the joint pain.  Holy crap.  Some days I can hold my coffee cup or unscrew Beau's bottle tops.  My hands feel frozen-- so tight and sore.  Strange.

Reading instructions.  Very important.