I'm going to piggyback on my sister's Facebork post regarding people posting inspirational messages every single day.  Not to be insensitive however, no one gives a shit.  Keep your daily somethingorothers to yourself.  I'm all about affirmations-- to yourself-- whatever you need to get through the day in a sober and respectful fashion.  The BEST is when certain post said daily affirmations and YOU KNOW they are total disasters and should seek therapy/prescription medication IMMEDIATELY.

Boy, winning the lottery would sure be awesome right about now.  I'm looking at month 6 of job hunting and its sure exhausting.  For real.... this is a full time job.  Too bad I don't have full-time TIME to devote to job searching.  The consultant that my last employer appointed to me (as part of my severance package) can literally eat a fat dick.  He/she did jackshit to help me.... oh..... wait..... this person together my resume.  Thanks asshole.  This person also recommended I get on Linkedin.  REALLY?1?!  Very helpful jerk off.  Just so you know, I took the bull by the horns and have been cutting my own wake solo.

In the meantime, I'll be hanging (jobless) with the OG above.  His name is Beau and he craps his pants and farts a lot.  Stellar.

Look out Ben Johnson!

Beau and I went for the first run of the year.  Good thing because its been literally 1 full year since my last job.  Holy shit I'm outta shape.  No problem though-- just pump up the yacht rock and go for it.  With the help of Air Supply, Grateful Dead, Whitesnake and some other cool artists, we made it 30 minutes without vomiting.  Great success.

Beau slept in the BOB stroller while I sweat my ass off.  Another big help was my Red Wings toque, compliments of my Pepe (for those of you unfamiliar with a Pepe, thats my paternal grandfather.  He's Canadian and kicks ass).  Sidenote-- The Red Wings almost beat the Hawks last night.  Shit.  An overtime goal sealed the loss.  Crap.

Glen Plake

If you don't know who Glen Plake is, well...... google him.

I found an old SKI Magazine the other day featuring Glen Plake.  This got me thinking.....  how great would it be to live in a ski town?  I'm living the opposite of that dream.

Illinois is so flat that if you stood on a tuna can, you'd see the Front Range.  It almost brings a tear to my eye.  The next best thing (as a Chicago resident) would be the Four Lakes "ski hill."  By ski hill I really mean a glorified hill with 3 toe ropes.  The bright side of Four Lakes is that Beau will be the Chinese Downhill (circa "Hotdog the Movie") champion by age 4.  Lookout Harkin Banks.

We finally got some snow.  Some being the operative word = 1 inch.  Big whoop.  Sound the alarms.  Every night I go to bed and secretly wish we awake the next morning to a ridiculous dumping of snow.  I think so far, Chicago is at the 2 inch mark for snow fallen this winter.  Good riddance.

If Chris and I need to continue moving northwards to experience white winters...... then so be it.  I'm all about Minneapolis.  Bring it.

I heard Casey Anthony's name in the morning news.  Jesus on the cross.  Its not enough that she got off murdering her daughter.... lets just let the sleeping dog lie.  No need to talk about her ever again.  I hope she struggles to find a job her entire life and never is allowed to adopt a dog.

The Blue Iguana

It has been brought to my attention that I need to dig deep..... real deep..... 90210 on Thursday nights deep..... and do some reminiscing about my time in Gunnison, CO.

The year was 1997.  The world was my oyster.  I turned 17 that year and had no fucking clue what I was doing.  Remedy for cluelessness?  Attend college at Western State in Gunnison and LIVE it up for one year.  Hoo-rah.

Fortunately I had my twin sister riding co-pilot, so if WSC wasn't as accepting being our friends, we had each other.  Carrie and I had no problems making friends and settled in quite nicely.  We loved everything about school-- even being so far away from family didn't bother us.

I referred to my clique of friends as the Goonies.  We were a rag tag gaggle of daredevils (in our own special way) that enjoyed skipping class (though some were more dedicated to attending class) to experience the snow at Crested Butte, drinking alcohol and dabbling in other extracurricular activities.  We were likened to the band from the Muppets-- everyone having a role, the very loosely defined:

Eric:                    Musically inclined, especially with a guitar.  Pop culture extraordinaire, like myself.  Midwest born and bred though fitting naturally in the Rockies.  Fantastic skier, despite the broken foot at the beginning of ski season.

Skee:                   Evil Knievel.  No dare too big for Skee.  Loved Shiner Bock beer, girls, dip and all things Texas.  I saw him scale (what I would call a cliff) a very steep rock without ropes and he was laughing the whole time.

Steve from STL: Headstrong, always game for a debate/structured argument, the most loyal person I've ever met

Chris and Phil:    The masterminds of all things funny.  I'm sure they are living large as Engineers somewhere in Texas.  I would not classify said people as the "outdoorsy type."

Brian:                  With all due respect, the pretty boy.  Up for a good time at any time.  LL Brian J.

Taylor:                Cerebral, kind, infectious laugh and always in the woodwork....  the backbone.  I saw him rollerblading down the hall at 3 AM once.  No sweat.

Pat:                     Possibly missing his calling as a politician, minus the slimy, swarminess.  From the east coast, Pat changed my prejudice of East Coasters.  Plus, he now works for Sierra Nevada which is fucking awesome.

Shauna:              Drama queen.  Born and bred New Yorker.  Great skier.  Sassy and hilarious while intoxicated.  Key fact:  Shauna taught me how to dip.

I know I'm missing a few band members.  My mind is foggy from that year-- probably because I was drunk a lot and smoked too many cigarettes amongst other things.  I fell in love for the first time that year, met my soul mate (not my husband..... ooooooo.......scandalous), it was a year of many firsts.  It was awesome.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Well.... the Catholics have done it again.  Way to "f" yourselves.  Please read below:

(Please note this is SPECULATION and people are innocent until proven guilty)

http://www.freep.com/article/20130124/NEWS05/301240163/Many-shocked-to-learn-of-embezzlement-investigation-involving-Troy-priest

My family used to go to church at St. Thomas More in Troy, MI.  I hated church.  Church as a pre-teen/teenager sucks.  I don't care how much you love the Lord.  Anyhoo, STM's fearless leader WAS Father Belczak.  Apparently, he is currently being investigated for embezzling a shitload of cash.  Shady.  Yes, I know.

I am VERY disappointed for several reasons, two of which are the following:

1.)  Priests are held in high regard as mentors, leaders, role models and people to confide in.

2.)  It is a priest's job to raise up the congregation and lead a exemplary life, demonstrating integrity, honesty and discretion.

Now that said items have been shot out the window in a hand basket, let us now reflect on how this will further the downward spiral of the Catholic community.  Its not enough that molestation and other sexual misconduct has been brought to light over the past several years, we now have to digest this jagged little pill.  (NOTE:  It has been proven that sexual misconduct has been present in most organized faiths and not just the Catholic church)

I will now step on my little soapbox.  I am what some would call a Cafeteria Catholic.  I have picked and chosen what I want to believe.  I support gay marriage, abortion rights and birth control.  By biblical standards, I am going to hell (hell being in lower case because I feel as though hell doesn't exist.... only the good ones get to go to Heaven, the rest of 'em just die).  The bible reads to love one another, respect one another and to live as you would want to be treated.  With that being said, I am in no position to discriminate against a certain group.  I good Christian loves everyone.... treating everyone with respect and dignity.  "Let Us Live and Love."

If the accusations against Father Belczak are true, well, that just sickens me.  What an asshole.

Good and the Bad

GOOD:

Finding a jumpy/saucer combo thingy for Shep.  We went to Bill and April's last night and Beau had hours of fun in Emma's apparatus.  Found one on Craigslist this morning for $50-- offered $30 and they accepted.  Score!  Now, we can streamline all the play stations and go from 2 to 1.

BAD:

Moms on Facebook that are always talking about how sick their kids are.  No one cares about your kid's flu symptoms or how junior needs a nebulizer treatment.  You don't get points for who has the sickest kids.  So annoying.  Advice treating your sick kid?  Different story.

I must admit, I'm super pumped for the Kourtney and Kim Take Miami Season Premiere E! tonight.  Love garbage television.

And back to Lance.  I didn't the chance to see the full 2-part interview with Oprah the first time around.... So, last night I watched the whole thing.  My feelings have not changed regarding the whole doping debacle.  Lance is a prick.  He couldn't even be honest in the interview-- what does he have (left) to lose?  Every question Oprah asked was danced around-- ummmm.... let me see..... blah, blah, blah.  Be real prick.  Yes.  You doped.  Yes you cheated your way to 7 Tours.  You were a role model to many (and your children) and fucking blew it.  Own your shit.  And no, you don't deserve to be a competitor in any sport-- that would require honesty and integrity.

Beau slept on his stomach last night for the first time.  He has been rolling over for about 2 1/2 months now -- in bed if he rolled over, I'd roll him back to his back.  This time around I opted to just let him figure it out.  He slept a little better than the night before.  I'm still trying to figure out why he is getting up 2 times (or 3) to eat.  WTF?  Growth spurt?  I'm not going to lie, I love feeding him at night for the below reasons:

-He is super soft in the night time
-His puppy noises are so cute
-He holds my finger while he eats and its delicious
-He falls asleep while eating which he NEVER does during the day

Either way, I would love if he could sleep from say..... 9-7.  That would be amaze balls.

Porkies and Smooshies

Beau is officially 5 months old (as of the 16th).  He is a man child.  Two teeth, rolling over from back to stomach/stomach to back and ALWAYS wanting to stand.  Not good.  This little pup pup will be crawling sooner than Kasia can eat a french fry.  Nonetheless, our Little Shep has morphed into quite the little cutie pie.  He has inherited my blue eyes and blonde hair however, everything else is Chris.  Chris' ears, hands/fingers.....  and my father's eye shape.  Random, right?  We are still awaiting his personality style-- I vote me.  He is loud and loves to smile and laugh.... and he farts a lot.

No me gusta teething.  Shep prefers to lick to side of a cold margarita glass (with cocktail in it)... not safe per say.

I blogged about a job interview the last time around.  Unfortunately, I didn't get a second interview.  No lie-- I cried for about 10 minutes.  The frustration is growing and I'm very afraid I won't find a job EVER.  I miss working-- I miss adult conversation and the hustle of networking and making money.  So, to all my fans out there, ANY help is greatly appreciated, whether its advice or an email address of someone who may want to hire me, etc.

Last night Chris and I went to dinner (with Shep) with some friends.  Amy is the mother of 4 (5, 3, and twin 4 month olds) and Megan.  Both chics rock and I love the conversation we have when we're together.  Amy makes me think I could easily pull off raising 4 kids without losing my hair and becoming addicted to heroin.  Megan on the other hand, makes me miss being without child and fancy free.  Its all a balancing act I suppose.

Chris' new construction company, CEW Construction is up and running.  He is booked out for the next few months which is great.  He seems to love the flexibility of being his own boss, too.  No more herding cats on the job site.

Liveshit

In case you haven't heard, Lance Armstrong doped his way through 7 Tour de Frances.  What a lying sack of hot garbage.  What sickens me the most is his position in American pop culture as a role model. As a father, LA couldn't sack up UNTIL NOW.  What a loser.  Own your shit.

I had a job interview this afternoon that I think went pretty well.  Fingers crossed that things continue to go well.

So..... tomorrow is a huge day.  I have an interview with the Regional Sales Manager from Stryker Navigation.  I'm super nervous and thrilled all mixed into one.  A fellow Puma passed along my resume to the RSM, said some kind words, and voila.... HR emailed me to set up an interview.  The past few days have been spent researching Stryker and playing the Hypothetical Game in my head..... (the stupid interview questions that are asked).

With that being, I know I'll kill it.  Positive thoughts.  Positive thoughts.

Beau is extra porky today.  The "rubber bands" on his wrists are getting tighter and thus, smooshier and porkier.  Additionally, he got a bathies last night so his skin has reached max decimals of softieness (the scientific/Latin word for soft).

I saw the first episode of this season's Bachelor.  Holy shit.  Talk about a gaggle of train wrecks.  The one-armed chic is awesome.  The shining soul in a group of cow pies.

I don't give a shit about Notre Dame.  I used to watch tons of college football.  I never realized how championship games (like the Super Bowl) are made out to be like the Olympics/Armageddon/Presidential inaugurations.  So annoying.  I don't care that Manti Te'O is awesome.  I'm sure he is.  God bless.  However, its just football peeps......  we should be focusing more on the problems in the Middle East.

I had my first Meetup today.  Beau and I met 3 other moms and their kids.  I was nervous.  In a hilarious way, my nervousness was justified.  I felt like I had nothing in common with these chics.  I mentioned nursing thirst to be likened to 50 bong hits.  No one laughed.  I referenced Beau by the nickname "Butter" (because he is porky and fat and soft and smoothy like butter), and one of the girls said, "thats weird."  Really?  I'm glad I didn't call him the names that we have chosen for my niece Gertie-- they would have kicked me out.  (PS her nicknames are Underpants, Magic, Smoosh, Mooshie, Circle and Margie Beth).

I'm all about second chances.  So, I'm going to give the Meetup chics another turn.  Perhaps we can get rip roaring drunk and see if they are funnier?

Lordy Jenkins do I need a job.  Its getting bad.  I miss working.  I miss full benefits and a 401k.  I mostly miss work lunches.....  gabbing away over Diet Coke and BBQ at Famous Daves.  Dammit.

Beau had squash for the first time today.  He had about 2 tsp of the stuff-- he still doesn't get the idea of a spoon.  He wants to hold the spoon as a sword and kick people's asses.

Snapping Necks and Cashing Checks

"The gays."  I thought I had escaped this phrase.  Apparently, its reared its ugly-ass head once again.  Let me elaborate....

I used to work in an environment jammed packed with ignorant-boys-club-stuck-in-the-80s-challenged-males.  Sometimes, during our lunch hour in the office cafeteria, there would be conversation steered toward the alternate lifestyle niche.  What a mistake.  The conversation would continue to flow and by golly, one of the igno-jerks would say something along the line of "those gays" or "the gays" or the best.....  "them gays."  Jesus Lord in Heaven.

Is this not 2013.  Being gay doesn't mean shit.  Its the same as being a vegetarian, or a Catholic, or a fucking Republican.  Hell, why don't we just pull out some great slang from the 50s while we are at for any person who isn't Caucasian.

I'm so glad I no longer work at said office.  In fact, while I'm exiting the subject, let me just say that no less than 65% of this particular's staff are racist as hell and should be scolded.  Shit.

Moving on....  Beau is wearing 9 month clothing from Carter's.  Did I mention he is 4 months old?  Yeah.  Let the record show that he is void of "leg nuts," i.e. chunky rolls in the upper region of the inner thigh.  The kid has abs, I swear.  He can do a push-up with a clap.  No joke.

As he gets older, he looks more "boy" than baby.  So cute and smooshy, I just want to squeeze him.

A horseshit holiday season if you ask me.  The culprit?  No snow.  WTF.  I pray every night to Baby Jesus (Hey-soos) Christi in the Manger that He may DUMP significant snow on the greater Chicagoland area.  Does He deliver?  No.  Instead, He hooked up Minnesota, Michigan and Indiana.  I swear, there have been a few Nor'Easters blow in and literally, bypass Chicago all together.  So, here we are, January 2..... not a drop of snow.  Just cold.  What a waste.

In other news, Chris broke his ankle a week ago.  How you ask?  Snowmobiling.  Got his gam stuck in a snow pile (in Lake Geneva, WI) and the sled kept going while his foot stay in place.  No likey.  He has to wear a boot for 4-6 weeks.

Beau rocked his first Christmas.  He received lots of toys and books from family members.  Additionally, he is an ace at ripping paper (once the paper is lodged between his pork chops digits and he grabs ahold).

Above is a pic of Beau, with the help of Mimi, dancing beside the Spring Break duck (playing the Party Rock Anthem).  While he can't pop n' lock, he can move his fanny really fast and bend his legs real fast.

Gertie Beth seems to be adjusting nicely to sharing the spotlight as a Mofo grandchild.  Pepe and Mimi love them the same although, GB is funnier and does some pretty hilarious tricks.  Please take note of his amaze balls hair.  She also likes to stick her fingers in Little Shep's mouth/eyes/nose/ears.

Beau now weighs 17 lbs and is a moose cake.  He doesn't have leg nuts but he does house VERY soft arms and legs.  Peanut butter softies as I call it.

I'm still job hunting and it sucks.  NOT ONE RESPONSE from all 347 applications I have submitted.  So annoying.