Feesh Oil

Kasia had her yearly check-up yesterday.  I swear, there are 50 vets in rotation at the Glen Ellyn Animal Hospital; every time I go in there, its a different vet seeing Kosh.  It was time for her rabies, distemper and heartworm screening, which actually means "Spend $300 and its all good."  I raised the concern of Kasia's most recent itchies episodes to the doctor, too. 

Since spring came early this year, most dogs are suffereing from seasonal allergies.  A grain-free diet and salmon oil mixed in with their food makes for a nice remedy to the constant licking, itching, sneezing.  Topped with a daily dose of Benadryl, Kasia Lokelani will be back to "normal" in no time flat.  I just hope administering meth drugs to my dog won't make her a candidate for the show "Intervention."

It was Chris' 33rd birthday yesterday-- same birthday as Eric Clapton.  Awesome.  His mom took us to Pappadeaux for dinner.  Delicious cajun-style cuisine and banana pudding for dessert.  I'm fat.  I ordered grits and they were freaking awesome.  I think I lived in Baton Rouge in a past life.

Chris got a video camera from me and several items of baby clothes from his mom as gifts.  There were 3 pairs of baby socks in his gift-- they were smaller than Kasia's paws.  Paw covers I'll call them.



____ Willis, starting at Center for the Detroit Red Wings

It's boy.  I knew it.  Chris and I had our 20 week check-up last night.  Low and behold.... it's a boy.  I was not shocked at all and I know Chris was over the moon.

We texted our family and friends last night.  Amongst the comments was my Dad's response....."Mom told me about the news.  No goofie names please!"  In Doug Monforton fashion, we will absolutely abide by his guidelines and not name our son Ceiling Fan or Syrup or Speaker-Kitchen.  Don't be shocked if his name appeals to a famous hockey player.

I know nothing about raising kids, let alone a little boy.  I do know however, that I was a kick-ass babysitter to a few boys back in the day.  I excel at the sport of tater tot throwing (while outdoors), any and all recreational sporting events and HATE dresses.  If baby Willis chooses a path more feminine, then so be it.  He will be loved even if he can't skate backwards or pick up ground balls with his long middie stick (lacrosse term for you first timers).

The doctor (during our appointment) addressed some questions I had.  I inquired about the X-Ray machines in the airport, dietary concerns and travel.  He said not to worry about the radiation from the machines because airplanes throw off WAY more radiation.  Great.  In terms of diet, he said to dispell all myths about lunch meat.  (Many OBs recommend avoiding lunch meat due to its contents containing listeria).  Dr Gallo said unless you're buying olive loaf from the back Verhilio's trunk, then its ok to ingest bologne, salami, etc.  Praise the Lord.  (I had a bologne sandwich for breakfast this morning and it was fucking fantastic)  Travel for me will most likely cease around June.  Super pregger chics at the airplane is gross.  Straight up.

Other than that, I'm pumped to start shopping at garage sales for boy clothes.  Additionally, I can start piecing together the nursery.  Currently the "office" is jam packed with misc baby crap (a crib, rocking chair, baby clothes, Muppets) and other junk.  Another room to purge is always exciting.

Below are some nurseries found on the internet that I love:

I'd love to recreate the world from the movie "Hook" however, I don't live on a sound stage and have millions to spend on props.

Stretch Pants and Pizza

I'm developing a knack for maternity clothes.  No lie-- pants with elastic panels above the hips are amazing.  I should rename them Thanksgiving Pants.  If I could only find some underpants that don't leave red marks on my legs...  wishful thinking I suppose.

Chris and I find out today @ 5 PM what kind of mammal we are having.  Its either a Rottweiler or a Golden Retriever.

I think it's a boy.  No reason really-- I just think I'm meant to raise boys and not girls.  Snakes and smails and puppy dog's tails.

Speaking of which, Animal Planet is airing new episodes of "Too Cute."  This is like the porn of the porn in terms of puppy smut.  Puppy Superbowl.  Grab some kleenex and something to drink, because its going to be a bumpy ride and you MAY just end up driving (in an emotional haze) to your local animal shelter.



Arrrrriiiiiiibaaaaa!

In celebration of Chris' up and coming 33rd borgday, I am hosting a Mexican fiesta!  Unfortunately, I won't be partaking in any margaritas (which is all I have been craving since becoming preggers) however, I will be participating in muchas nachos y carnitas con cilantro.

Biting off more than I can chew is something I have grown used to-- nothing like hosting 20 or so people in a few days when the house isn't up to par.  No fear.  I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom yesterday, which entailed:

washing the cabinets down
cleaning the floors and baseboards
spider hunting
wiping the inside and outside of fridge
cleaning out the sink and nether regions with Comet

I still have to tackle the bathroom (by tackle I mean a deep, hard core cleaning) and living room (which will be the hardest).  Having a dark haired mammal by the name of Kasia doesn't help my cleaning cause.  Her ther clumpies get everywhere and don't like the vacuum.  I should just go over Kasia with some duct tape, like a waxing session.  No lie-- I like her hairs; they are soft and whimsical and make me feel better when I'm sadm (especially her ears).

Below is what's on the menu for Saturday's Fiesta:

Beer margaritas
Margaritas
Pork carnitas
Steak tacos
Mexican rice
Refried beans
Chippies and salsa
Queso
a Pinata

I hope this bash turns out ok. 

Cowboy boots

The movie "In Her Shoes" is so true.  When all else fails and life has caused a cellulite blow out, or in my case, a growing mammal in my belly, one can always count on shoes.  I'm not a shoe-a-holic however, I do love my cowboy boots.  Everyone should own at least one pair.  They go with everything!  A cute summer dress, jeans, shorts (for those of you with hot stems) and even...... sweatpants.  That's right..... I wore my boots and sweatpants to McDonald's when I was hungover.... does that count?  Needless to say, my boots are on my feet this moment (as I rock a not so cute maternity shirt and mom-style maternity jeans.)  Did I mention my underwear is tight again this morning?  WTF.

Hunger Games.  Enough already.  I like to read, too....... lets just keep the Twilight-esque movies and all the hype at a dull roar.  Literally.  The news this morning (CHICAGO news at that) talked about the Hunger Games BEFORE the traffic report.  Really?  This is what the world has come to.  Fantastic.

After several weeks of camera sabbatical, I've finally plugged in the ole Nikon for uploading.  I should be showcasing sweet snaps of all things awesome in the new few blogs.

In other news, I wanted to help answer some questions/concerns that Katie R. (I'll keep the name mysterious to protect her identity) had brought up in her most recent blog.

1.)  Not eating enough protein-- doesn't like red meat...... 
I'm SO OVER chicken.  I've been over the original white meat for a long time.  I also have developed a mild food allergy (that shows itself by making my joints hurt and head itch) in my 30s.  After lots of reading and countless trips to a useless dermatologist (and one VERY helpful trip to a naturopath), I learned about other proteins. 

Green leafy veggies have lots of protein-- and are easy to snack on (and are portable).  Also, grains such as quinoa, amaranth and steel cut oats. 

2.)  Retinols and other exfoliating serums....  Wash your face and wear sunscreen.  At night, a few times a week, slather on some ROC overnight repair.  It's the best and cheap.  With sensitive skin, just be careful.

Swim with the Fishes

I didn't realize it however, the baby within my loins has been kicking.  I thought the goldfish feeling was food digesting ..... turns out its the baby Rottweiler inside.  So, now, of course, I'm super aware of it.  It feels so weird..... weird in a good way.  I really want some peanut M&Ms......

Its early to be doing this but I've been reading alot about delivery stories.  It seems like every woman I know has been induced.  Does this seem weird to anyone else?  Perhaps this is ignorance speaking however, I don't want to be induced.  In fact, if I was told that I was to be induced, I'd say "do a c-section then."  Yes, Cesareans are risky.  It's surgery.  HOWEVER, c-sections don't involve (often times) 20+ hours of Petocin, Epidural, etc.  I'm on the fence.  I hope I have a choice.

In other news

I don't advise people watching in the Nashville Airport.  Boring.  Seriously...... the only excitement is the ocassional trashy couple; complete with fanny packs and Nascar attire.  There is CNN playing at every gate.  I want some BravoTV, or at least some Food Network.  I don't care about Newt Gingrich's damn Etch-A-Sketch either.

I dont really know how to do the following Q & A, so pardon me if I've executed incorrectly.

11 Random Things About Me:

1- Since being pregnant (officially 19 weeks on Sunday, March 18th) I am secretly obsessed with finding a pair of underpants that doesn't leave red marks on my legs and/or stomach.  For Christ's sake, even "maternity underpants" are too tight.  Does this mean my ass is really too fat?  I'm not even half way there with this damn gestational period.

2- Deep down inside (or not deep down since I'm sharing this on my blog) I wish I would've gone to medical school, Physician's Asst. school or cosmetology school.  I love medicine, medical talk, medical shows, talking about diagnosis, etc.  And shockingly, my mind is a steel trap when it comes to medical information.  Additionally, I love all things make up and hair even though I'm not a girlie girl.

3- If it weren't for my dog Kasia, I would go fucking nuts.  Her ears are magical and the most effective form of Xanax and heroine mixed together.

4- I suffer from anxiety.  I have been afflicted by this for about 3 years now.  There was a time when I was afraid to leave my house, but thank God, this only last a few weeks.

5- I love food.  All food.  Actually, the only food I don't like is Circus Peanuts candy, Ambrosia salad (if you don't know what this is, that's a good sign) and liver.

6- A clean house is a happy house.  I honestly don't get how people can live amongst filth, dirt and an unorganized mess.  Hoarders is basically the end of the world for me.

7- Even though we fought a ton growing up, I don't know who I'd be without my siblings.  They are all different however, we all seem to have strong common threads.

8-  People think I'm tough however, I'm super sensitive.  My feelings get hurt very easily and a I cry by myself at least once a week because of this.  Tied in with my anxiety, it's crucial for me to see my therapist once a week.  She keeps me sane.

9-  I'm scared to be a parent.  My biggest fear is having a kid/kids that are disrespectful, ungrateful and spoiled.  I'm a huge advocate of discipline and structure.

10-Narcissism is my pet peeve.  People that make everything about them can go fuck themselves.  Seriously.  The world can't possibly revolved around one person. 

11-I LOVE the "love" station on Sirius...... my twin calls this Yacht Rock.  Love it.  The cheesier the better. 

1

2- Dream job? Puppy ear rubber/holder/smeller.

3- Favorite blog? http://themonfortonnorton.blogspot.com/

4- Favorite recipe? Gooey Butter Cake bars by Paula Deen.  Made famous by Julie Hutt but perfected by Miss Paula herself.  It should just be renamed Cellulite with a glass of cold skim milk.

5- Favorite book? A Walk In The Woods

6- One-piece or two-piece swimsuit? One piece if I'm training for a half marathon (or marathon, which was the case in the summer of 2006) because my body is the least jiggly.  This moment-- I wouldn't leave the house without a garbage bag over my ass.

7- Most embarrassing moment? Falling down the Noll Hall outside stairs after the Puma Baseball banquet in front of 50 people, with my dress over my head.  I didn't spill my beer though.

8- Pets? Names? One dog: Kasia Lokelani Willis.  Age 2.  Borged on January 13th.  Soft ears, solid paws and loves having her inner thighs scratched.

9- Specific makeup item you couldn't live without? My morning regime (if I'm going to work) is as follows: MAC Studiofix foundation, Nars concealer, Revlon loose powder, Benefit Hoola bronzer, bronze eye shadow (over entire lid gently with finger), brown eye liner, black mascara.  It seems like a lot, but it looks natural.  Please note, the foundation is just to cover broken blood vessels around my nose..... nowhere else. 

10- Favorite song of the moment? Too many to name.  I love the songs from "The Family Stone" and anything Van Morrison, Sammy Hagar and Pandora's Bread Radio.

11- Weekend plans? Cleaning the house and weeding out the flower beds.
1. What are three features that your "dream house" has?  Basement, first floor laundry room, the kitchen will be the largest room in the house, NO formal dining room and a HUGE backyard.
2. Ideal vacation spot?  A secluded beach with water the color of blue that looks fake.
3. If you could meet one celebrity, who and why?  Robin Williams or Susan Sarandon.  Both are funny, not seen on rag mag covers and have made a successful career in Hollywood while maintaining poise.
4. What is one thing you are good at?  Cleaning a bathroom and rubbing dog's ears.
5. Favorite Yankee Candle scent?  Mountain Lodge.
6. Favorite college memory?  Being in sweatpants all the time with my best friends.
7. If you could have any other person's life, who and why?  N/A  I like my life.  I have the choice to make it my own.
8. Food aversions?  See above.
9. Favorite movie?  Too many.
10. Best meal you've ever eaten?  Bachelorette party-- Club Lucky, Chicago.  Gnocchi with vodka sauce.  Delish.

Soapboxes and Other Items

I'm listening to "Bread Radio" on Pandora.  Magic.  John Denver, Air Supply, and other dentist office inspired artists make for a kick ass work day mix to jam to.


I flew in late from Buffalo (where I last spotted Red Wings ex-coach Scotty Bowman) so I opted to work from hom today.  Plus, I think I have a sinus cold or allergies-- my nose is running like a faucet and my ears keep popping?  A cure for this minor ailment is a day at home with the dog and Bread Radio (while in sweatpants).

To make the most of this work-from-home day, I decided Kasia's nails must be cut first thing.  PetSmart has their Grooming Clinic open early, so we hit up Dunkin Donuts for an iced tea and 1 munchkin for my furry mammal friend (which she licked clean, then ate).  PetSmart is lovely early in the morning.  No crazy dog people.... however, no puppies either :(  Boo.

Anyhoo, Kasia got her weave snapped and ears cleaned.  No more clickies on the kitchen floor.  Now, if I could just track down her best pal Sadie a.k.a. Delores for a play date.  We have a 4 hour car ride this afternoon and I want Kasia tired. 

One quick item-- the route to PetSmart passes a health clinic/doctor's office.  Every single day, there are picketers outside with Anti-Abortion signs.  Seriously?  Like standing outside of this doctor's office with ridiculous signs is going to keep a woman from exercising her American right to get an abortion.  Ignorant fucks.  Plus, I bet 96% of the chics going inside are getting birth control pills or an exam. 

People that picket such places have never been in the situation where abortion was considered.  Seriously-- these are the same people that preach anti-gay remarks yet don't know any gay people.  I guess the bottom line is that if women and men in velcro shoes and fanny packs want to sit outside of this particular clinic and picket, go for it.  Just don't be upset if I drive by and throw a warm bag of shit on you.

Will You Accept This Rose, Then Punch Me In The Face?

Another season of "The Bachelor" hath come and gone (tear).  I accidentally watched the finale last night, with Chris.  Normally, bedtime at the Willis crib consists of Chris surfing the Web on the iPad and me catching up on "crap television" (as Chris calls it).  While the crap is being viewed, I rub Kasia's ears and eventually we all fall soundly asleep.  Last night however, was a different story.

Since Monday's lineup of crap tv isn't all that awesome, I stumbled onto "The Bachelor: The Final Rose" trying to find an episode of "Holmes on Homes" (more about Mike Holmes later).  Since being filmed in Zermatt, Switzerland, the landscape of the location was something I could not take my eyes off of.  Holy shit.  I want to ski there.  Tomorrow.  What caught Chris' eye was the phrase was something along the lines of "Jennie.  Do you seriously think that guy is good looking?  He looks like a Muppett."

So we watched.  In awe.  As a family.  Awesome.  Below are a few comments/concerns that I have taken away from last night's viewing spectacular:

1.)  That Courtney chic is pretty.  I'll give you that HOWEVER, the fact that she has some weird nervous habit of touching her face at serious times and doesn't fully open her mouth to talk = she is hiding something or acting completely fake.  I vote the latter of the two.

2.)  The Other Chic has bad roots.  Is that cool nowadays?

3.)  Ben is is no way good looking.  Scrawny, in need of a serious hair cut and picking up serious bleeps on a my gaydar, the producers could have used Dr. Travis Stork again for this season.

4.)  "Will you accept this rose" has got to go.  I think in this day in age roses are out.... how about a cool succulent?  An orchid?  A grouping of beautiful greens?  OR..... what about "Let's go steady"?

All in all, The Bachelor (or, The Plunger as Chris called it) needs to amp up.  This isn't real life.  The success rate for the people participating in this show is so low-- almost like we already know whats going to happen After The Final Rose.  They break up.  Blah, blah, blah.

Billy Joel's Greatest Hits

It's Friday.  Hell yea.  Too bad I could barely throw an outfit together for work-- being almost 18 weeks prego puts "getting dressed" into a whole new, hostile category.  (preface comment-- what I'm about to say annoys the shit out of me)  There are woman out there that get pregnant and can literally wear all their clothes throughout the 9 months.  Perhaps some modifications have to be made in the shirt department however, jeans/slacks and bras fit the whole time.  What the fuck.  It seems like the SECOND I found out I was with mammal my jeans didn't fit.  My bras were blowing out the sides and my underpants were like spandex.  What gives?

Perhaps it was the stress of wedding planning?  Maybe the anxiety of travelling every week for work?  Either way, just before my nuptials (in November 2011) I was the thinnest I had been in a long time.  My underpants appropriately fit, I could shop at the Buckle and find jeans that actually went over my thighs.....  it was a glorious time.  Granted, I was in the throws of some serious gastrointestinal grip however, the scale wasn't disappointing me.  That time hath come and gone, like Rick Santorum's popularity.  I am not trying to sound vain or completely obsessed with the way I look..... I just miss having control of my waistline.  I'm not even going to go into my dietary habits.... that's another blog entry.

Aside from my ever expanding ass, I'm very excited to be a mom.  I have loved every minute of watching my niece piece (Miss Greta Fat Pants) grow-- she is the cutest, smooshiest, porkiest and most peanut buttery circle in the whole world.  Carrie and Dave demonstrate awesome parenting moves as well.  Both cool under pressure and heightened blow-out time periods, Greta's momma and dadda say it's awesome to raise a kid.  Plus, Greta smells good even when she smells bad.

diarrushea

On the coattails of Rush's latest verbal debauchery, I stand firm that he is an asshole.  I don't think he is a psychopath necessarily however, I do think he believes everything he says, no matter how outlandish.  He is poison to our society.

On another note, it is officially week 17 for my in utero mammal.  The bump is getter bigger and by bigger, I mean sticking out more.  I'm wondering if this means "boy?"  Case in point-- Melissa Bowles.  When she was pregnant with smooshie fat Hudson, it was as if he was "superman style" in her womb.  Whereas Carrie's pregnancy was more round/full-- very telling of what Greta looks like now.  Round, full, porky and all over smooshie.

There has been a lingering headache in the mix.  Normally, I'd pop some ibuprofen and move on with life.  Since there is a ban on (basically all) medicine during gestation, I just have to deal with this.  The baby blogs state that headaches are normal in the second trimester-- what a bummer.  It's not enough that my ass is huge and my face is broken out..... let's just slap on a headache and call it a day.

Redemption

Just when things were looking down in the dumps, TOTAL redemption was achieved.  Rachell, Engineering Master of Anything and All (and mother to two of the cutest peanut butters ever), serves me with a box of Archway Windmill cookies.  For those of you not familiar with this amazing delicacy, Archway cookies makes a host of amazing snacks.  Growing up in the Mofo home, Mom always had Archway's Windmill cookies and Molasses cookies.



Accompanied by a glass of cold skim milk, the above treats can cure all that ails you (with the exception of mid-pregnancy yuckies).

Additionally, Rush Limbaugh has done it again.  (this may get very vulgar.... so cover your ears if necessary)  In the news this morning, Rush was in the hot seat (again).  Limbaugh, roundly criticized for branding a law student a "slut" over her support for President Barack Obama's new policy on contraception coverage, apologized on March 3 for his "insulting word choices."  Good riddance.

First of all, and this may be my liberal side coming out in all colors (or the fact that I am a woman and Rush hates woman), RL is a moron.  Perfectly poised in a DJ's chair, tucked behind insulated walls, Rush has the ability to say whatever he wants.... and obviously, he has no filter/level of intelligence to decipher what's fact/fiction.  He is the type of "character" that some Americans can look to for guidance (in shaping their political and social views).  Perfect.  A sheep herder.

Any free thinking human (who can read a newspaper) should exercise the right to form opinions and a belief system to carry them through life.  I think those who take RL's word as gospel have given up on forming their own opinions. 

Tonight, I'm going to say a prayer to Lady Moon asking for Rush to birth a black gay child who profoundly pushes the boundaries, who eats a vegan diet and has chosen Judaism as her faith.  RL wouldn't get on his pulpit everyday if he experienced first hand the shit he bitches about.  Fuck him.  He is poison to our community and will only hinder America moving in a forward direction of acceptance, compassion and empathy.

One last topic-- Kirk Cameron.  Just released:

LOS ANGELES, March 4 (TheWrap.com) - Former "Growing Pains" star Kirk Cameron's negative comments on homosexuality and gay marriage, made Friday on CNN's "Pier Morgan Tonight," have drawn a rapid response from GLAAD.

Cameron said he thought homosexuality was "unnatural."
"I think that it's detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization," the actor told Morgan.
Cameron, who is an evangelical Christian, also spoke out against gay marriage.
"Marriage is almost as old as dirt, and it was defined in the garden between Adam and Eve. One man, one woman for life till death do you part. So I would never attempt to try to redefine marriage. And I don't think anyone else should either," Cameron said. "So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don't."

Brave?  I think not.  Ironic?  Yes.  Perhaps Mike Seaver forgot that in times of Ancient Greece, the Han Dynasty and the Middle Ages that homosexual relationships were accepted and part of culture.  I don't recall in history class learning that said relationships caused the destruction of these civilizations.  In fact, I am also going to wish for him to father a gay child, so he may experience first hand how being gay is not a choice nor a detrimental.  I am now boycotting all Growing Pains reruns.

Catch Many zzzzzzz's

I am officially 17 weeks and exhausted.  I don't know if I have some weird flu, lacking iron or what however, I am so freakin' tired.  I slept 9 hours on Saturday night, woke up and then took a 4 hour nap at mid-day.  Is something wrong with me?  This very moment I could crawl under my desk and easily snooze for an hour.

One of my co-workers returned to work today after a 6-week maternity leave.  The first thing she said to me was "Wow!  You're hippy."  I don't know  what the fuck hippy means however, I don't think it's positive.  I wish she would have just said, "How much weight have you gained?"  Oh wait.... that was her next question.  Talk about a blow to feelings. 

It's not enough that none of my pants fit and I am exclusively in maternity gear.  It's also not enough that I have had to upgrade (or downgrade, whichever way you choose to look at it) to a completely new line of underpants and bras.  Nothing fits.  Actually, my shoes fit.......  accordinging to my therapist, this will change as well.  Let this be a lesson to you-- do not say the following to any pregnant woman:

"Your face is filling out"
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Do any of your clothes still fit?"
"Your ass looks bigger"

I wish I could just crawl in a hole today; filled with puppies and soft items.

Orvwah Baton Rouge

My time is now over in the land of Spanish Moss, humidity and etouffee.  Not gonna lie.... I like it here.  I wouldn't like it here if it were July.  March 1 and its 78 degrees with 80% humidity.  My hair is like a giant circle, and my hair isn't even curly.

I got my fill of Cajun food yesterday.  Crawfish etoufee and hush puppies hit the spot.  I think once every few weeks is ample time between Creole deliciousness.  Did I mention that Cajun food is almost all fried?  Fried oysters, fried catfish, fried okra, fried shrimp..... and rice.  When I get home, I may try my hand at whipping up some of my own jambalaya, minus the tasso (ham-like meat).

My stay at the Stockade Bed and Breakfast reinforced my love for traditionally decorated homes with a slightly southern flair.  I picked up some old magazines to read on the plane to get ideas for my house (House and Home and Southern Living).  General rule of thumb when keeping with Southern Traditional stylings-- any plant in the home should be real and not silk.  Additionally, the home should be a place to relax, unwind and feel at peace.  Modern has no place in the Deep South.

I gotta jump a plane now.  More later.