Am I the only person in the world that lay wide awake at night, wondering what in the heck my purpose is?  Do I continue to search (unsuccessfully) for that clutch job and fulfill my career woman aspirations?  Is my path to be a stay-at-home mom and work it as a domestic goddess?  The frustration and anxiety that goes along with this tumultuous thought process.........  Dammit all.

A year ago I was pregnant with Shep, working, hating my job and so-not-loving my expanding ass......  all the while, planning to return to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave.  Some people said to me "you won't want to go back to work," and things of that nature.  While on the other hand, a few working moms assured me that returning to work is just fine and that its perfectly normal and acceptable to WANT to go back to work.  I'm so over thinking about it.  I'm changing the subject this minute.

As much as I lerv winter and all of the magical white sparkly blanket it wraps us in, I'm kinda ready for spring.  I'm chomping at the bit to start gardening and working towards my dream yard..... DREAM being the operative word because my blockhead husband sees no value in landscaping..... i.e. planting flowers.  We live in a small ranch with a fenced in backyard.  Essentially, a blank slate.  In the front we have these HORRIBLE arborvites that = raccoon ladders to the roof.  They needed to go yesterday.  Every time I pull in the driveway I hallucinate for one moment and think to myself, "this place could be cute."  Then, I snap back into reality and realize we have gross arborvites.  Shit.

Its coming full circle.  Hear me out for a minute--  I need to work so the following things can happen:

1.)  Build our dream house
2.)  Plant my dream garden/flower beds
3.)  Host kick ass backyard parties where people stare in awe of my awesome landscaping
4.)  Since the landscaping is so nice, we never want to leave the house
5.)  We save money and a take a cool vacay every year to say, Sun Valley, ID and go skiing for a week

See my point?  Full circle.  I need to work.  I seemed to have forgotten that my dream home will have a Wolf range in the kitchen.